Blogging in order to explain why i’ve given up blogging…
i felt unable to go on. This unease ran deep. It was as if language-insects had been eating their way through things for months, and i suddenly realised the foundations had been eaten away, that everything rested on a paper-thin surface. The wordlice had left little enough, just enough to deceive.
i felt i had to destroy all my words. So i did.
The old tempting hunger endures – the wish to write, to speak. i may take up blogging again, in some form – here. But i need to stand back from the familiar language a while, to reconsider matters: how to use words at all, and how to be public. A friend once said i was easily disabled by response, and this is true. Misprision stings, but that is inseparable from public writing.
And i must consider my vanity, my wish to be read. That is a shameful desire.
i will devote the next few non-blogging months to these questions, and see if i can go on at this damnable thing.