i emailed my boss a few days ago to ask if i could submit an invoice for the work i did in January; as is the way of employers he hasn’t answered – perhaps he’s hoping i’ll leave K___ or die, so he won’t have to pay me (this would be typical TEFL business ethics) . i needed that money for March’s rent, so i was resigned to ending matters sometimes within the next week, a little sooner than expected. i was pleasantly surprised to feel not merely unperturbed by this, but even looking forward to it – to the extent that i pondered doing the deed this weekend rather than waiting any longer, since it seems better to leave in a state of light-hearted jollity, rather than dread and gloom and horror.

i awoke at 0400 today (my sleeping patterns finally seem approximately diurnal) to find my mother had mailed me March’s rent – rather surprisingly, given the 3rd World standards of the Deutsche Post, it had actually arrived. So even if my boss continues to ignore my emails – which wouldn’t surprise me, or anyone who’s worked in TEFL – i can get through another month. April will be tricky since i’ll have to pay tax and needless to say i don’t have any money to pay it with; i’ll also probably have difficulties convincing the Student Loans Company that i’m earning as little as i am, and that i’m in Germany – they have a habit of losing documents and then summarily withdrawing huge amounts of money from my account without warning – since i don’t have any money left in my UK account, they will then take legal action against me, probably at the same time as the German state for tax evasion, or for not having medical insurance, or whatever they can get me for. At which point my last employer will burn my flat down and hunt me through the snow with a TEFL posse, and finally they will string me up from a tree and slowly burn me alive, laughing and roasting marshmallows and then they will cave my skull in with a pickaxe, ripping my brains apart and laughing merrily, and then they will disembowel and dismember me with a chainsaw, and stomp on my remains over and over again like hyperactive children, laughing all the while, because it’s good to kill Elberries, so good, so wonderful, so festive; and they will perhap write it off as a tax-deductible team bonding adventure.

However, that’s April and this is still only February.

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