i’ve been feeling strangely melancholy today, not sure why but probably i’m just a little disappointed to still be alive, with all the anxieties and uncertainties attendant on that state. Instead of getting any writing done, i’ve just brooded and skulked. Did chi kung and at the end i found my hands and arms being tugged, first outwards  from the solar plexus, maintaining the “holding a ball” shape, and then into strange spirals. i’ve done chi kung on and off for 6 years and while i’ve often experienced weirdness (tingling, rushing, giddiness), i’ve never felt my body being moved like this, as if by an alien force. Rather like the time i saw a girl transform into another of her incarnations, it didn’t really seem weird or unusual or alarming – only afterwards, i thought “that was a bit odd”. It lasted about three minutes, the movements beginning in my hands and arms, and compelling steps to maintain equilibrium. It looked vaguely like what i’ve seen of bagua, more than Tai Chi, but who knows.

i came across this video on youtube – an unsent letter to Ludwig Wittgenstein, unsent presumably because Ludo would have been dead for a good 5 decades by the time this was written. However, i enjoyed it, especially this meditation on the state of academia in the 21st Century:

Your Socratic ways would be on the street now, a re-animation of mythical conversations on the margins of decent society, but without title or affirmation, without money in the bank, without inclusion in the canon.