i have survived four days of teaching. A surprisingly enjoyable week, in spite of occasional bumps, gnarls, grammatical mishaps, and fits of psychopathic rage. The materials are much easier to use than at my first post – and Morgana’s training has proved invaluable, as have my past failures, and my obsessive broodings thereon.

i’ve so far taught two groups of unemployed or partly-employed Germans, who maintain the noble Teutonic tradition of being highly educated and unemployed. Both groups are a pleasure to handle. The larger group has a considerable glory of MILF – at least two lovely MILF, and various very pretty girls who giggle a lot. Half of the smaller group is Russian – a grumpy-looking Russian woman with poor English, and three younger Russian babes with better looks and English.

i don’t dislike any of my students, for some reason, but i particularly enjoy teaching the hot Russian babes. The youngest is amusing, and has beautiful shameless eyes; on our first lesson she said something mildly risqué and winked at me – i thought i’d imagined it till, later, she said one of the ingredients for a successful party was “sex, lots of sex”, accompanied by a lewd wink. Very pleasing. The other two Russian babes learn grammar incredibly quickly – i don’t know if they had to learn German as a second language, and so perhaps they’re used to bastard hard grammar, but they pick even highly difficult grammar up with impressive rapidity and ease. For example, yesterday i taught them reported speech, e.g.

Karl said, “I want your pie”

which becomes:

He said he wanted my pie.

The materials included bastard hard questions using tenses they haven’t yet encountered, so i told them to skip those. However, Stalingrad-like, the Russian girls were not to be fobbed off and asked me to go through each question; so i did, all the while thinking, “waste of time, too hard for this level.” But no – after the first one, which by rights should have stunned them (as it would most native English speakers), they simply pursed their beautiful Russian lips, narrowed their beautiful Russian eyes, and then figured all the rest out, getting them mostly correct. i was reduced to stammering admiringly “you have really good grammar.”

This earned me an amused, feline look from Leana, a gap-toothed Russian beauty. i was forewarned that she was hot. Physically, she is merely pretty, but she has an intense, agile spirit which makes her quite quite mesmerising – the play of expression across her face, so swift, so nuanced, so fierce. Watching her frown her way through the Present Perfect is one of the great joys of my life to date. It’s also pleasingly easy to make her burst into delighted laughter. Oh my.

Other highlights, from the larger group:

1. During a roleplay, one student explained to his manager why he was behind schedule on a project: “Unfortunately, the team are alcoholics and in an unlucky drunken moment they deleted the project and burnt the office down. So we are a little behind schedule now.”

2. Practicing pronouns, i told one student to ask another if he had thanked one of the MILF. This won me a baffled look and a baffled “thanked? What is this please?”

“Thank you,” i supplied, with a “does this make sense?” look.

“Ah, thank you!” he agreed, then looked at another student and guffawed “thanked!” The other guffawed back and soon the entire class, men and women, were laughing uncontrollably and repeating “thanked!” When they recovered their Germanic sobriety, the student said, with a broad grin and a leer: “Did you thank her?” – again precipitating uncontrollable Germanic laughter. i had the feeling i could have milked this for hours by just repeating “thanks” every few minutes. Perhaps i will the next time something goes awry.

i’m hoping to find the time and mental energy to continue rewriting my accursed novel, so blogging may be intermittent for the foreseeable future. Or then again, perhaps not.

i thank you. And you’d better enjoy it.