Emails from Bonehead today – he´s working as usual in some shitty temp job in Leeds – on his Facebook wall some whining Guardianista called Benny Blanco was writing shit – the exchange commences, touching the usual bases: our hatred of idealists, of bald people, an ex-schoolmate called Shrekh, and a dancer/model called Blazes, now in prison for banging underage girls:

Elberry: that benny blanco guy pisses me off, i want to throttle him and i haven´t even met him.

Bonehead: He is an amusing bald drunk who now lives as a recluse in oxford doing volunteer work for charities. He claims to be working class and salt of the earth but wears cardigans and speaks and looks like a rupert of the first order. His guardian-esque rhetoric is so tired and uninspired but I think, due to his psychological issues he believes he is some kind of crusader or legend in his armchair. At university he used to get drunk and argue with people. He was thrown out of several shared houses in london for irreconcilable differences with the other residents. He has no redeeming features but I have stayed in touch out of concern. You should taunt him with some Nietzschean quips. It would be amusing. Like bear baiting. Though I fear people like him are akin to faith types and too immovable in their notions to have any amusement with.

Elberry: He sounds like Shrekh.

Bonehead: He is indeed the white-bread version of shrekh with a twist of broken home and incest about him. He is a man who would wet himself before entering the coliseum or surrender to the muslims before a single shot was fired in the great war.

Elberry: even broken home and incest is no excuse for such reheated Guardian cliches, many a man or woman has merely been made brutally stronger for hideous experiences. In the words of the immortal Blazes, he needs to sort himself out.

Bonehead: I got a letter from blazes after a mysterious silence of about 6 months during which my letters were returned. I had assumed he has ben sold for a pint of milk or permanantly hospitalised by the aryan brotherhood but it seems he had just moved ‘house’ and lost some of his stuff. He seems quite happy inside though I don’t know how he is coping with celibacy, being a virtual rapist. He is teaching key skills and has some homies. This of course could be a cover, he may well be some gimp who is the butt of jokes and beatings because of his untamed patchy afro and feminine mannerisms. It is difficult writing to cons, like terry and blazes, what does one say? I tend to paint a bleak picture of life on the outside to make them feel better instead of talking about the spring booty on the streets and the girl on my train’s incredible tits.

And later, he writes of the boss in his present temp job:

My bulgarian boss here is hilarious. He is in his mid 40s, a polymath, a medical doctor, project manager and former special forces soldier of some dubious kind. He loathes the marxists almost as much as the turks and the greeks. He has all kinds of crazy ideas about genetics like a true nazi scientist. Yesterday, I had lefty tweedsters yakking in one ear and him whispering tales of buggery and punishment beatings in the bulgarian national service in the other. I believe he may have been used in some kind of ethnic wars or in some eastern bloc border patrol capacity. A truly strange individual with a round neanderthal head.

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