After a year in Germany i decided to finally get medical insurance. i rang one of the public health insurance companies and, to my relief, it looks like they will give me insurance though i´ll have to pay the back payments from when i came to Das Reich (about 4500 Euros), which may be difficult and will certainly be unpleasant.

i was put through to a nice German girl who spoke Dinglish (e.g. “you will become a receipt from the firm?” and “we must to know your advantage”). At the end she apologised for her bad English. With devastating humility and total sincerity i told her “your English is a lot better than my German”, to which she laughed and said “you are very charming.”

“That´s my job,” i replied, somberly, “being a charming man. That´s why Berlitz pay me so much.”

More laughter. i considered asking if she lived near Ultima Thule and if she was very perverted but i thought, quit while you´re ahead, Elberry old chap, right now she thinks you´re a velvet smoking jacket-wearing suave motherfucker, with muttonchop whiskers.

Typically, i_______, my last employer, didn´t inform the insurers that i no longer work for them. It could just be laziness and incompetence but if there is a cent to be extracted from the misunderstanding, be sure i_______ would do so.