i’ve felt a growing, stubborn reluctance to work for the big corporate schools anymore, so emailed the X-burg branch to tell them i have a new job as a gay rodeo rider and so can’t accept their kind offer, generous as it is (earning about 1200 Euros a month, before tax). i have now burnt my bridges and must plunge into whatever awaits.

One of my students, who runs his own company, offered me editing work and somehow his people emailed work to my gmail account instead of my yahoo account; the gmail account is flooded with Spam and the email went straight to the never-read Spam bin. As a result i missed a job offer and probably seem erratic and/or insane for not replying till now.

With this in mind i have a new career idea – i will form a worldwide company, known as The Beating Squad. We will identify, locate, and then thoroughly drub irritating people. If, for example, Spammers caused you to miss an important email, we will find the Spammer; and we will punish the Spammer. The Spammer will know the error of his ways, when the day is over. He will be abducted at 0300, a sack thrown over his head; he will be flung into an unmarked van, driven to the moors (or local equivalent), released (naked) and chased by a pack of trained dobermanns. Finally, he will be soundly beaten by The Beating Squad.

Other potential beneficiaries: trolls, power women, chavs and chav apologists, fat people who claim they can’t afford to eat fruit, line managers who call their staff “guys” and say things like “pull up a pew ‘cos there’s work to do”, hippies, hippy appeasers, Communists, young people, Blair, giraffe-hunters, C.S. Lewis, anyone called Geoff, incompetent shitbird managers, Wiccans, Buddhists, smiling perverts, rich vulgar Americans who don’t give me their money, Moloch-worshippers, Tiberius, people who say “Zo!” without irony, stale pizza, hippies, hippies, hippies.