1. So i invited Juniper for a spontaneous coffee. Turns out she has a computer course about social media on Monday (she told me last week but i forgot) so couldn’t come. She looked pleasingly upset and said: “You could probably explain about all this Facebook and Twitter better than the teacher. He is so boring. He is a…what is the word, someone who just knows computers and nothing else?”

“A geek? A German geek?”

She savoured the word. “A geek? That sounds very strange.”

i have taught her several terms of abuse, including “scum” and “filth”. All my favourite curse words are new to her; she looks appalled that i not merely know but use such words, that i casually refer to the 19-year-old should-be-in-Nam apprentice engineer shits as “filthy scum” and wish them to be dropped butt naked into the middle of Afghanistan or Baghdad to be sodomized by Muslims.

2. Anyway, we arranged a non-spontaneous coffee on Wednesday. She said: “I hope you will not be bored to have coffee with me again.” i just gave her a special Elberry disgusted/amused headshake. Later i reflected that she is so wonderful because she has no idea how wonderful she is. She said brightly: “‘And you must give me all the secret information about how your party was on Saturday.” i froze and hummed and hawed, remembering two other teachers talking about porn shops and dildos and anal sex, then said: “It was very manly and virile.”

3. A friend translated the poem i wrote for Juniper into Latin, and here it is, stressed syllables underlined:

semper iterum pro te

advadet ante novembrem


4. Well, it will all end badly but that aside i haven’t felt this in about 8 years and i thought i never would again. i have precisely three days left with her and probably won’t see her again after Friday. Four times before i was so graced, and each time a door opened in my life. The inevitable doom of each is of no importance; it is only important to be ready for the suffering that will come. i feel giddy and wry and very very alive, off-kilter though i be: