Attacked by the dogs for the fourth time today, this time it was 3 medium-large dogs who hemmed me in at the front door as soon as  i opened it to leave, snarling and barking and baring their hideous fangs at me. i tried shouting at them – no effect. They came closer and were taking little nips when the Viennese handyman (who leaves soon) came round and admonished them. Even then they continued circling about me, snarling. The only dog i like in the place is the handyman’s little dog Eos – an amiable little hound, in contrast to the deranged circus-trained spawn of Satan who otherwise run the show round here.

i was awoken at 1400 or so by my landlady coming into my room, without knocking. She stared at me, shouted in German, then said, “zo you are ill, oder?” and then proceeded to open my windows, move my stuff around, and remove a chair, while i went still and quiet and wished i had died in Kiel, or better yet in 2001. i feel paralysed, unable to do anything to escape. There is no point considering an escape from this place – she will undoubtedly keep the Kaution, as is standard with landlords, and i can’t afford another Kaution (in Munich, generally more than 1000 €), plus a month’s rent, plus 600 €/month medical insurance. i should be paid about 300 € for the work i’ve been scheduled between now and May. Add to this i will soon have to pay my tax – which should be about 5000 €, at least, and i have less than half that left, and things don’t look too good. Like Taylor in Platoon, i have made a big mistake coming here.

However, i couldn’t stay in Ultima Thule, and there is no turning back. i just have to stick this out and see what happens. i considered buying a bear-killing knife in case the dogs really attack, but only out of a desire to die in some kind of combat (against deranged circus animals, hardly an ideal adversary). My will is paralysed, i lack any interest in continuing to survive; in any case there is no point considering escape – there is nowhere to go.

Now i must return to the house, hopefully the dogs will be in their cages and the crazed landlady won’t burst into my room again, screaming at me – but then, she has done this about once every couple of days since i arrived, so i am not optimistic.

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