i ventured forth today, from my cold basement, to once more front the hounds. Again, the furious barking, the bared fangs. This time i tried Elhaz, a protective rune, not really expecting much (their rage seemed too absolute) – to my surprise, one abruptly stopped barking and wandered off, and the other (known appropriately as “Bandit”, of whom i was advised “this is the only really dangerous one”) cowered before me, then ran off to bark pitifully from a distance. i don’t generally take pleasure in the fear of others, but today was an exception. This is at least one less problem.

i am already planning an escape from the bunker. My landlady is a crude, elemental force akin to my father. She isn’t as bad as he was, in my youth, but she lacks any normal human sensitivity, respect for privacy, for example. i can’t stay here long, and in any case the basement room is already uncomfortably cold – so by autumn i fear it will be perishingly bleak. i pay 40  €/month for heating but it has so far only materialised once or twice.

Yesterday i was pondering my finances and realised that, unless i can get a good 6 units work a day, 5 days a week, i am unlikely to survive, especially when my tax demand arrives. This is the problem with working for several different schools – it’s hard to coordinate them to get enough work, as most only offer a couple of units in the morning.

i feel increasingly unperturbed. After a low week, a week of illness and pain and despair, i am starting to climb out of the pit. i left Ultima Thule because i felt my time there had ended; i came to Munich because i felt a “ping” in my mind, which i nowise felt for Erfurt, Hamburg, Berlin, Cologne, indeed for anywhere else in Germany. i feel that a chapter in my life has ended and whatever is to happen will be new, not merely a continuation of my UT life; and i will be given what i need to survive, if i am to survive.

Advertisements