Another weekend in Elberryland, i ran out of asthma medication, realised i wouldn’t make it to Tuesday (Monday, is a holiday) so asked Juniper how much an emergency doctor would cost; she thought about 50 €, erroneously as it happens, for it was instead 800. This strikes me as quite a lot of money for 15 minutes’ work, especially as my medical insurance company, the DKV (Deutsche Krankenversicherung) won’t pay for it. i was already worried that i would need to borrow perhaps another 500 € just to survive to October, and now i have an extra 800 to conjure out of nothingness.

A curious thing with the DKV – apparently, i pay them 550 € a month but they only pay my medical costs if i’ve already paid over about 700 € a year. So, maybe, maybe, they will refund me 100 € from the doctor, though i wouldn’t be too surprised if they have a wriggle-out clause in the contract. The reason, incidentally, why i had no medication is because i couldn’t afford any – after paying 550 € a month for medical insurance, i have no money left for medication, i don’t even have enough money left for rent, and have had to borrow money the last two months, just to survive.

It would have been much much better to go with public health insurance (DKV is private), as the public won’t charge extortionate sums just because a chap has asthma. However, i had lived in Germany for more than a year without any medical insurance before i was earning enough to consider it – and the public company said i had to cover the backpayments from my arrival, about 3500 €, i think; but the monthly amount would only be about 350 €, and so after i’d paid the 3500, i would have had 200 € less than with the DKV.

One might ask, why did i go with the DKV, who charge me their maximum tarif? Well, because they told me that after 9 months my monthly premiums would go down to about 400, so it looked like it would be immediately much better, and over the long term only slightly worse, to go with the DKV. However, when i rang them last week, to ask why the premiums haven’t gone down, my consultant told me they will never go down, that he has no idea what i’m talking about, and there are no contracts where the premium goes down after 9 months.

So i am fucked. The DKV fucked me. The DKV lied to me in order to get me to sign the contract. i wasn’t suspicious enough – i should have said “show me where it says the payments go down after 9 months”, but i presumed they wouldn’t do something so mercenary, unethical, and immoral. But, well, they did and now i can’t even afford to buy medication because of their monthly kilo of flesh.

i feel old and extremely tired. Tired of fighting Germany, tired of fighting a country where it seems impossible to even survive on less than twice my paltry scrapings. An apposite Facebook update by my friend Bonehead, who is my age:

Another year sneaks past me. I figure I have ten more good ones before my teeth and my bowels loosen. Then, no longer of any use to the tribe, I will go to the mountains to seek a noble end, preyed upon by wild beasts and driven blind by starvation, I will perish alone with my wounds beneath a gnarled weather-beaten tree and my miserable nutrients will return to the soil.

i feel like this now. i feel like there is nothing left of me, it’s all been ripped out and consumed by Germany, by – among others – the Deutsche Krankenversicherung, the blood-sucking vampires, on whom i wish the foulest & most appalling curses of the darkest gods.