After my brutal rejection, i am attempting to once more take some pleasure in teaching. It is still a fun and mildly worthwhile job and since i elected to refuse bad groups i now have a manageable workload. Recent students:

1. Lila. She looks just like Jaime Murray:

She’s not actually a recent student, i’ve been teaching her for a year or so now. She is 30, has big tits, long legs, a lovely personality, a husband, and a tedious but highly-paying job in a large German company, and is increasingly irritated/disgusted by her asshole coward manager. Our lessons now mainly consist of her expostulating about how much she despises her manager. i encourage her. Last Oktoberfest she wore a dirndl to our lessons.

For some reason she has one-on-one classes with me but also sometimes joins a group course in her department. For the last group class she told me she had spent the summer working in her garden. i then crafted a roleplay around this in which she had a sterling idea – stressed out senior managers could pay a few hundred euros a day to work in her garden, to relax and get in touch with nature (a very German theme) and she had to present this to the Board. i got a little carried away and told the group: “…and Lila, you want to be able to beat any managers who don’t work hard enough. You will wear a dirndl and whip them if they are lazy. This will be good for them. To get in touch with nature. You will kick them with your high heels and grind their faces into the dirt and call them ‘slave’.”

This was a typically superb roleplay in which Lila performed well.

i’ve noted that as long as i occasionally mention my girlfriend my hot female students will quite happily flirt with me, one of the added perks of the job. i’m not sure if they even believe i have a girlfriend as they all seem convinced i’m gay, e.g. a particularly gorgeous girl rejoined one of my classes after an absence of 6 months; in the intervening 6 months she had cut her hair and the sun had bleached it blonde.

elberry: Angela, i see you cut your hair. Did you dye it?

Angela: No, it is like this because of the sun.

elberry: It suits you.

Angela: You are the only boy who noticed my haircut or the colour.

elberry: But everyone in this department is a woman.

Angela: Even my boyfriend didn’t notice.

The girls all exchange titillated “he must be gay” looks. i then launched into the gardening roleplay.

2. Jack. He looks like a cross between Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson, and Brian Cox. He is portly but moves like a killer.

He’s a senior senior bigwig at some software company and gets to travel to Microsoft and shout abuse at Bill Gates. Pretty cool. He radiates power and a sense of feeling very comfortable with himself; and of being amused by his own life & foibles. i like him immensely. He told me about his interview technique – he deliberately gives oddballs & weirdos a chance as some of his best staff are freaks. He came up with a very clever game for soliciting information from candidates; i don’t think even he realised how clever it was: he manages to put the candidates into a state close to drunken loquacity just by asking them to imagine certain scenarios, they tell him everything he needs to know. He also apparently enjoys deliberately disconcerting candidates and just about everyone and tried it on me:

Jack: So perhaps I say, do you think I am fat? To confuse the candidate.

elberry: uh-huh.

Jack: Do you think I am fat? Tell me, what do you think?

elberry [considers Jack’s gut, even getting out of his chair to get a closer look]: Well, you’re not thin.

Jack looks slightly taken aback but amused nonetheless.

elberry: I didn’t notice you were fat but i suppose you are. But you don’t really look fat, not Jabba the Hut fat. You don’t move like a fat man. Fat scum usually move like this. [elberry gets up and waddles painfully about the room, brutally mimicking fat people]. You  move like a normal human being, not a disgusting pig.

Jack continues to look slightly taken aback.

That’s how we roll in Huddersfield.

 

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