1. Via David Thompson, this is sordid and worthwhile.

2. i’m making some progress on Bitches & Trash, my new novel. So far, my hero is still doing pointless minimum wage data entry jobs. Here’s a scene with a fellow temp called TGV:

TGV at eight in the morning on the bus. He is, as ever, chuckling and scowling.

– All right, brother, he begins. Another day, another fisting. Nice and filthy. Blood all over yer hand. Heh heh heh. That’s why they pay us top dollar, heh heh heh, enough to drink ourselves stupid on Mad Dog 20-20.

– How long have you been doing this?

A knowing look from TGV. There’s no time in this racket, brother. It’s all just fucking eternity. Every day is eternity but what’s eternity plus eternity times fisting? Eternal fisting. Your fist up the devil’s arse. That’s how he likes it, brother.

– I feel sick.

– Feel it brother, feel it. It’s all sweet. Maybe you gonna puke on Pikey. Tell you, brother, all the temps’ll fucking applaud you for that one. Only way to roll, vomiting on the Man. Cos it’s all we got left. The Man’s got it all sown up, nowhere to run, only thing you can do is puke on his boots, as he’s kickin you in the head. Puke and hope. Hope and puke. Puke and puke and hope. While you’re being fisted by the Devil, heh heh heh.

– Have you ever vomited on someone?

TGV nods sagely. – On some fancy bitch last week. So I was in pub and I sees this bitch looking all hoity toity and that, and I thinks, TGV has a chance here. Aye, a chance to humiliate himself. So I go up all smooth like and say, all right love, you in porn or summat? And she starts calling me a fucker and swearing and screaming and suddenly I were chunderin all over her head. Vindaloo, brother, vindaloo.

3. People sometimes ask me, Elberry, they say, what do you do, exactly? It’s like this:
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