1. My work has gone up to 10 – 12 hours a day so i don’t really have much time for anything else (10 hours teaching means an additional 2 – 4 hours on the road, so i leave my flat at 0700 and get home between 2000 and 2200, presuming the s-bahns aren’t delayed by a suicide). i really don’t like my job when i work this much – it’s like being forced to have sex all day, theoretically fun but in practice pretty gruesome. Most students have no idea how hard it is to teach; they think it’s the ideal job for losers, crazies, California surfer dudes who are just passing through, really a job for idiots and contemptible Ausländer clowns/scum.
It depends on how you teach: if you turn up and plan to do the bare minimum, then – well, i don’t know as i did this in my office jobs in England, and found it harder than using my mind at full force all day. i’m incapable of genuine coasting – that is one reason i left England, because it was destroying me to turn up and spend all day fighting my own mind, trying to only use the .001 percent these jobs required. And so i now spend maybe 10 hours a day concentrating with total intensity, for students who then say things like, But teaching is not a serious job, anybody can do this, or?. i tend to get consistently good feedback, because i can’t coast, but it costs me a great deal, leaving me almost no life for myself, and knowing that actually almost no one really cares if i do a good or a bad job.
2. As a freelancer, i do have the freedom to say no – so i just refused a Saturday class because i need two days away from McLingua. Unfortunately, the tax office want me to pay 2012’s taxes now – which i expected – and 2013’s in advance, so i have to take every unit i can get. The tax whores, incidentally, gave me no warning – they just expect me to have the extra money lying about in my Schloss. The Viking visited in August and we went to the tax office to try and work out a payment plan (his German is much better than mine, because he’s an Aryan überViking). A stupid fat women there shouted that everyone has to pay taxes and i cannot avoid it. i carefully explained that i don’t want to avoid paying but i don’t have the money right now so could i pay what i can per month. She then hectored me to the effect that i should have planned and saved my money. i attempted to explain that for most of this year i’ve earned under 1500 € a month and i need 1100 € just to live, so i can’t really save enough money to pay two years’ taxes (actually three, since i paid 2011’s this May). She again just shouted that i must pay pay pay, this is Deutschland, you must pay, pay or die, pay and die, pay pay pay.
i thought about leaving the country and going somewhere they wouldn’t find me, but then i did some vulgar magics and the next day got an extra 15 hours a week, enough to pay my taxes. Then more, and more (magic sometimes spins out of control), until i’m now feeling rather grim, especially as earning more money just means i’ll have to pay more taxes.
3. Tolkien wrote on the back of a cheque to the Inland Revenue: Not a penny for Concorde! i quite agree. As far as i can tell, most of my taxes will go to pay the salaries of people in the internal public sector (e.g. the fat tax office woman) or the external (e.g. the United Nations). Before i actually began working, i thought that higher taxes would lead to a better life for everyone, and tut-tutted, aged 20 or so, when i read that one of Massive Attack said he would vote for whichever party offered the lowest taxes. However, after working in banks and also the Department of Education and NHS, i feel that most money is simply wasted.
Right-wing capitalist types often say the NHS and universities should be run like real companies, accountable to shareholders, as if this would get rid of the vast ballooning of middle management and corruption. Having worked in about 20 companies in England, and taught for large German companies, i don’t think it really makes much difference until the hard times hit. Then, there is a difference – so i’ve now had several high(ish) level Siemens managers in my Arbeitsamt (Job Centre) classes, who were laid off because the company had wasted so much money on bureaucracy and bullshit; and likewise another large German company has cancelled all its lessons, presumably in anticipation of making a 4th quarter 2013 loss. i think when the money – or rather credit – really runs out in England, the NHS won’t fire the middle managers, it will fire nurses and doctors, meanwhile pumping ever more money into bureaucracy and “initiatives” and public relations (i think of the Nazi propaganda, still running at full speed in 1945). But at least in the meantime, it is in the nature of large organisations to fritter away money on varieties of assholery and balderdash. Plenty of companies have gone bankrupt, so saying capitalism would save the day seems a little implausible to me – Saab didn’t plan to collapse but it did, and what would happen if the police or NHS likewise collapsed completely? Just make a new one overnight?
4. More and more i feel that we’re living in a worn-out world where every extant system is falling apart. The problem, as i see it, is the animating spirit, the culture of the people. So someone told me Ben Jonson had a 20th Century life as a banker, in London, and was fiercely proud of his honesty and the strength of his word – something that i doubt would be possible today. Or a man like my father would probably be fired at once from the present-day, left-wing NHS. These systems & organisations only run true when informed by the originating spirit; when the spirit goes, the systems go awry. It seems that banks have gone from one of many powers in the world to the only real political power – so it’s to their apparent advantage that the world governments are increasingly massively in their debt, so more & more of each year’s taxes will just go to the banks. It is actually good for them if every world government is up to its eyeballs in debt from catastrophic bail-outs – it just means that each government will have to pay most of its revenue to the banks.
As Francis Parker Yockey wrote in Imperium, 1948:
Having leveled all the political and social powers, Rationalism can now look upon the monster of its own creation, the absolute power of Money. This new power is unformulated, anonymous, irresponsible. The most powerful money-magnates are not well-known to the masses, nor do they wish to be. Fame, responsibility, and sanctions go together. The Master of Money desires no limelight, no risk of life, but only money and ever more money. Party politicians exist only to protect him and his operations. The courts are there to protect his usury. The remnants of the State are there to do him service. Armies march when his trade system is challenged. He is subject to nothing, he is the new Sovereign. He is above nations, and his banking operations transcend national laws.
Incidentally, Yockey – who is a cross between an Oswald Spenglerish pessimist and a full-on Nazi apologist – wrote his book in Brittas Bay on the west coast of Ireland in 1948. As far as i can tell, Wittgenstein was then staying in Red Cross in Wicklow, about 5 miles to the west, so it’s possible they passed each other at some point (no doubt both glowering and thus dissuading any contact, probably a good thing given Yockey was, it seems, a fervent Jew-hater).
Yockey has the anguished, slightly crazed air of many of those who have stood against the times. i see this as a Denethor condition – Tolkien’s insane Steward, who gazes into the palantír and sees only the vast armies of the East. Denethor imagines he is Sauron’s enemy, that the West will stand or fall according to his actions; eventually, he declares “The West has failed” and commits suicide. One could replace the palantír with the internet and the rest follows. It’s better i think to accept that the whole system is now so elaborate and extensive that there is nothing one can do except wait for it to destroy itself, and buy a water purifier and a lot of tinned food. Personally, i’m happy to be in Germany, in Munich of all places – a fine place to wait out the end of a rotten and rabid world; and then there will be no more tax, only death.