You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2016.
1. i may not even bother voting this November, in truth i’ve never voted in my life. In any case, it occurs to me that as a UK citizen i might not be eligible to vote in American elections, but if i cross the Rio Grande with a giant sombrero and ass full of heroin Obama will surely allow me my say. i read John le Carré’s A Small Town in Germany last week, quite glad i’d not got round to it before – it’s enjoyable and very British in the dingy, depressed Larkin-esque mode of the last 70 years, a once-great country abruptly reduced to the handmaid of America and the Continental bureaucrats and financial oligarchs. Some passages i enjoyed:
Have you ever voted? I’m sure you have. What’s it like? Did you feel altered? Was it like Mass? Did you walk away ignoring everybody?
Miss Peate, Bradfield’s personal assistant, brought coffee. She was a middle-aged, under-decorated woman, stitched taut and full of disapproval. She seemed to know already where Turner came from, for she cast him a look of sovereign contempt. It was his shoes, he noticed to his pleasure, that she most objected to; and he thought: bloody good, that’s what shoes are for.
People crack up every day under the strain of being saints. You’re cracking up under the strain of being a pig.
Le Carré is the great chronicler of how naff it is to be British. We are a peculiarly vicious, disapproving, snobbish, ineffectual lot. His protagonists are usually well-meaning public school men with a messy divorce in the background. In Le Carré’s books, the English are almost invariably disgusting snobs and hypocrites, and anyone with dark skin, the more Muslim the better, is a pure and noble savage.
Le Carré lives in a clifftop house in Cornwall.
2. i long found it curious how Lefties idolize Muslims, the more violent the better, and yet carefully live in rich man’s villages in the middle of the white countryside, or in expensive parts of London where they don’t have to see the kind of people i grew up with in Bradistan. After reading A Small Town, i wonder if it comes of a deep idealism, a Platonic sense that people should be good & indeed wonderful; and yet, one sees only petty, vain, awkward human beings; and so the idealist displaces his idealism onto distant, unknown peoples – the Muslim. Even when importing millions of Muslim rapists into Europe, most Leftists seem to live in a little bubble of other white, upper middle-class Leftists, and meanwhile despise white people – a natural enough response, if the only people you know are social justice warriors and Guardianistas; it also suggests something of their deeply self-loathing & suicidal nature.
3. Civilisations, it seems, have a natural lifecycle and ours is at an end. It is far stronger in Germany than in England, and so the Merkel has designed to destroy Germany forever. i am now at the point of supposing hideous giant newt conspiracies at work, since no sane human being would think these millions of sub-90-IQ Muslim rapists will even be able to do any useful work in the West, not that they would choose to when they can just live off state benefits until hyperinflation wipes out the economy and Weimar-style street battles, riots, and then Balkans-style genocide come to pass.
i wouldn’t really blame anyone for this, even while there clearly are certain groups behind our impending destruction. Germany had long avoided the multicultural ruin of Britain, because especially in Bavaria people would have resisted the creation of vast Muslim slums such as Birmingham, Bradford, Blackburn, etc. i would agree with Andrew Breitbart, that politics is downstream from culture – German culture, especially in Bavaria, was far stronger, far healthier, than in ruined England, and so the Merkel and her newt-ilk have had to destabilise Libya, Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, in order to annihilate Germany with tens of millions of military-age Muslim rapists. One can already see in Poland and Hungary what happens if the culture is still robust enough to resist the infection.
4. i think that there was electoral fraud at the last UK General Election, and even if everyone votes for Brexit, the machines will show “Bremain”, because such decisions are too important to be left up to the people. In any case, democracy is an egalitarian mistake – once education is destroyed, as has happened under Leftist dominance, the people are too easily deceived by the media and a government so inherently Left that they label AfD and UKIP “far right” – both, by my standards, merely moderate, sissy parties. What passes for conservatism now is just unrestricted capitalism, which is anyway never unrestricted in practice. The political spectrum runs from the Far Left to the Centre Left. There are no true conservatives in politics, because almost none in the West now remember why this was once a culture and not merely a late-stage civilisation.
A couple of months ago i was talking to some Bosche colleagues of the Kurgan’s about the so-called refugee crisis. A Leftist from Cologne said: “what would you do if your country was at war? Wouldn’t you want to go to another country?” i gave this due consideration and said “i would stay and fight for my country, and if need be i would die for it.” A look of absolute incomprehension and he exclaimed, horrified: “but why fight?”
i shrugged. This was a German, a nice man with a family, living in quaint little Landsberg, who despises the Bavarian police and the CSU, who are currently preventing his quaint little town from being overrun by millions of screaming rapists. He genuinely believes that the rapists are all from Syria, when this is clearly and demonstrably false. He earns about 5 times my pittance. He is what passes for intelligent. He sees no reason to fight for one’s culture, inheritance, country, folk – indeed, he couldn’t even understand what i meant.
A colleague of his from East Germany said: “I hate these fucking conservative Bavarians and their fucking CSU! People are dying because of these fucks! They forget we were refugees too!”
He was referring to the thousands of displaced Germans in 1945. i forebore from saying: “And when you were refugees, did you immediately rape those who opened their homes to you?” i’ve already had the grim experience, with another Cologne Leftist, a (female) lawyer who said nothing happened in Cologne on New Year’s Eve – and that anyway if anything did happen it happens every day and it’s just a big story now because it’s poor refugees from Syria trying to have a good time. When people can live in such wilful ignorance and denial, there is no point even talking to them about such matters. What could one say to someone like Nordal Hauken?
The self-professed feminist and ‘anti-racist’ was subjected to a brutal anal attack in his own home. The culprit was subsequently caught and sentenced to more than four years in prison, though he is now free and due to be deported back to his native Somalia.
All of which has occasioned Hauken to speak out about how guilty he himself feels. Guilty because he says that he is ‘responsible’ for the Somali rapist being returned to Somalia.
5. As i said to the Kurgan, these people are like hobbits who live in their quiet little Shire and resent those who know there is a far wilder, bloodier world beyond:
“Peace and freedom, do you say? The North would have known them little but for us. Fear would have destroyed them. But when dark things come from the houseless hills, or creep from sunless woods, they fly from us. What roads would any dare to tread, what safety would there be in quiet lands, or in the homes of simple men at night, if the Dúnedain were asleep, or were all gone into the grave?
“And yet less thanks have we than you. Travellers scowl at us, and countrymen give us scornful names. ‘Strider’ I am to one fat man who lives within a day’s march of foes that would freeze his heart, or lay his little town in ruin, if he were not guarded ceaselessly.”
And at the end of the book, the hobbits return to find the Shire a Nu Labour-esque wasteland of regulations, political correctness, Stasi informants, migrants, fear:
“No one comes nigh Bree now from Outside,” he said. “And the inside folks, they stay at home mostly and keep their doors barred. It all comes of those newcomers and gangrels that began coming up the Greenway last year, as you may remember; but more came later. Some were just poor bodies running away from trouble; but most were bad men, full o’ thievery and mischief. [..] and the Rangers have all gone away, folk tell me. I don’t think we’ve rightly understood till now what they did for us.
6. i see no hope within the realm of politics, because the people are too hobbit-like after long peace, and neutered by faith in democracy. It is a question of the well-known rapist: racist ratio, meaning when people are more scared of being raped than of being called racist, then perhaps they will begin to think that they don’t deserve to be sexually abused, tortured, and murdered by Muslims – but by then it will be too late, of course.
Realistically, it is unlikely we can avoid a widespread civil war and genocide in the next generation, thanks to the Merkel and her Leftist cheerleaders. Perhaps the white race will rediscover its berserker fury and the Wild Hunt will return to destroy the invaders.
It’s not something i am likely to survive, though i’m now 40 so i’ve done quite well. Unfortunately, things will have to get pretty bad – to the point where even the docile little hobbits realise they have to fight. And then, much will be lost – gentleness, decorum, art – but if the alternative is Sharia law and Eurabia, then it’s really a choice between European and Muslim savagery.
1. In Journey to Ixtlan, Don Juan advises Castaneda to become inaccessible, to cease to be available to his old friends. Being a misanthrope and an Anglo-Indian fascist to boot, i have never had to work hard at solitude. Don Juan argues that we are drawn into a common narrative by our acquaintances & friends, their tale of us, and to change we need to free ourselves of their limiting vision. In my case, i began to change sometime last year, when i learnt how to switch off my “internal dialogue”after re-reading Castaneda. The internal dialogue, as much as our social circles, constantly reaffirms our personal narrative – our story of ourselves, and of the world – and blocks out what one could call divine or sorcerous realities.
i occasionally have prescient dreams or visions or what have you – always of trivial things, e.g. a dream that i’m walking to the s-bahn and a woman trips over and drops her phone, and then exactly this happens the next morning – in the same place, the same woman, dressed exactly as in the dream, me in the same position watching. These were always quite rare occurrences but have become more frequent of late. These coincide with my growing alienation from all my colleagues.
2. i now teach about 5 hours a week at McLingua’s Arbeitsamt (Job Centre) building, a piss-stained dump in an industrial suburb. Unfortunately, i am more or less forced to interact with my colleagues, a depressing bunch of mediocrities. i like one of them – a benign Mexican-American called Doug the Greaser, one of these 1950s throwbacks who never swears, seems permanently cheerful and has, as far as i can tell, not a single malicious bone in his jolly Mexican body. The rest are largely harmless but regard me with evident distaste and suspicion, e.g.:
Andy (a Brit): I had like this really weird student, a doctor.
me: Oh, you mean Gunther? Tuesday evening?
Andy: Yeah, he’s like really weird. He’s so like arrogant.
me: I liked him. He’s interesting.
Everyone stares at me.
Andy: He’s like a hunter. I’m not a vegetarian but that’s like really weird. I mean, a hunter. Come on. That’s just weird.
me [gathering my papers and about to leave the teacher room]: Well, i’m not a hunter but i can understand hunting. It’s as old as Man. Haven’t you ever felt the urge to kill?
An uncomfortable silence as i leave. Or:
California Jesus: Man, I had this fucked up Jap, I hate Jap students. They all lame.
me: I had this Japanese radiologist in 2011, his only hobbies were sleeping and eating.
California Jesus: Oh man, that douchebag, yeah I remember him. He be fucked up and lame.
me: What was his name…Akira Kubokai?
CJ: How the fuck do you remember that? I only remember because he was my first student in Munich. What are you, fucking autistic or something? [everyone stares at me with open contempt].
These are my colleagues – exemplars of the lesser man. In some ways it is like being back in school, where the slightest difference arouses derision and hostility, the only admissible skills being beer-drinking-capacity and sports. Having an unusually good memory or a book is grounds for a stoning. Most of them are thieves (bicycles most of all, but they will steal anything they can, and boast of it later), and they all vote for Bernie Sanders and despise any kind of traditionalism, except of course Oktoberfest.
3. i never had much in common with my fellow “teachers”, only occasionally socialising with Toddball and The Cop. Toddball has somehow regressed and become increasingly juvenile since his first child was born in 2013, and when i realised his back-stabbing malicious gossip had come to include me i ceased to tell him anything i wouldn’t want repeated (with his own twist) before people like California Jesus. But since switching off the internal dialogue the coldness between me and the others has become at times open hostility – on their side; i merely regard them as typical human beings. i haven’t changed my demeanour, but i think they sense the other realities at work, somehow – with their acute sense for difference, for abstention from the common reality (beer, sport, drugs, socialism, stealing). i take their hostility as a mark of Cain, in Hesse’s sense, a badge of achievement. A symbolic anecdote – i was walking down Kaufingerstraße in Munich, taking in the crowds (lots of military-age Muslim migrants prowling around in gangs) when someone tried to punch me in the chest, my right arm arched up and his hand bounced off the back of my wrist, and i somehow connected with his upper arm, apparently with some force for i then found myself wheeling to face Toddball. He was rubbing his arm and looking somewhat startled to find his punch-elberry-hard-in-the-chest jape had failed. i apologised, saying i hadn’t seen him, and i made a joke about Muslim rapists etc., and we parted.
Later, i realised i had used the opening move of the yang cheng-fu style to repel his attack. i was totally relaxed, my breathing didn’t even change, and my arm was almost floppy as it sprang up to parry the fist. It is typical Toddball – he is the kind of beery man’s man American who likes to get people in headlocks, punch friends hard and claim it’s a joke, to assert his playground superiority. i’ve never spontaneously used ycf before, though i’ve heard of others – people who learnt some tai chi form for health alone – spontaneously using part of the form in self-defence. i wouldn’t want to bet “health tai chi” would work against a trained boxer or skilled street fighter or gang of Muslims (which is why i also carry a tactical pen and pepper spray and a knife), but against belligerent Homer Simpsons, it seems to do well enough – not bad, since i never really trained tai chi seriously, and haven’t done it daily in a decade. In this case, i feel that my state at the time (with my internal dialogue switched off) enabled an adequate response.
Naturally, a week later i was in the teacher room and Toddball had to tell the others his version: “I was walking down the street, saw Elberry and waved to say hi and he screamed ‘hai!!!’ and attacked me like some fucking ninja, screaming about Muslims. He’s fucking paranoid.” i just shrugged, but later told this to The Cop, who snorted: “You should have broken his nose.”
4. There are many ways of frame your own personal narrative, for my colleagues it is generally “I am a beer-drinking American, I vote for Bernie Sanders because I am on the side of the good guys, I steal anything I can find, I’m cool and haven’t read a book in my life”. For my students it seems to be “I am hard-working and will leave lots of money for my one child when I finally die in the middle of a powerpoint presentation.” For me, everything is suborned to power – one could call it magical power but even that is incidental. There isn’t much to obviously distinguish the higher from the lesser man, it is more an instinct, a taste. Even politics is, i would say, of little significance, though i haven’t yet encountered a Leftist who was other than a mediocrity, a champagne socialist, an embittered freak, or just a fat loser.
5. i had to buy a wristwatch – well, wanted to – since i was sick of digging my fob watch out, and feel a reluctance to rely on mobile phones for the time. i bought a Seiko 5 after watching a great video on the Urban Gentry channel.
It’s the first wristwatch i’ve bought in my life, and the first i’ve worn in over 20 years. i like it and have been wondering, why i prefer it to my old Nokia phone – the latter is so small it’s easy enough to use for time. It is a matter of taste; but then taste is of more importance than ideology or belief. Time is absolutely central to human existence & consciousness, but since it is not tangible like space, it exercises a subtler, and if you like magical influence. Just as inches don’t really exist – not in the way a table or a hand exist – so seconds and minutes are not exactly real, but are a convenience that has become a determining condition. i thought about surviving with my Cold War Molnija pocket watch, which sometimes just stops running until given a good shake, but since i travel so much i really need to know the time to the minute. What, then, is the problem with my old Nokia? – nothing, except that i don’t like time to be electronically-delivered. A matter of taste, again. With the centrally human affairs, such as time, old-fash(ist) is best. i could learn to repair my Seiko, but i wouldn’t have a chance if the Nokia broke – thus, i am at the mercy of the latter, it is not truly part of a human life, anymore than is this computer i use now.
No need for ideology – taste is guide enough, reasoning and theory can come later. i can, in my spirit, reach into the Molnija or the Seiko, and hence they are tools, partaking of my mind & life, and i of their construction. i have never felt the slightest affection or partnership with a computer or mobile phone, and indeed generally find them recalcitrant and perverse, and their fans comparably cartoonish and absurd.
6. i haven’t voted in my life, but am nonetheless regarded as a right-wing nutjob because i wouldn’t support someone like Bernie Sanders. Partly, because he just looks like a choleric old Communist who would happily send millions to the gulag (whereas Trump looks like a choleric male Thatcherite Capitalist who etc.), but mostly because i feel the welfare system is wrong for people like me, and is actually poisonous to everyone, and the “tax the rich and give free stuff to the ghetto troglodytes” approach is not merely economically suicidal, but spiritually ruinous. Money is akin to time – albeit vastly less significant – of consequence to the human spirit, and if you take money for nothing, i.e. welfare, you have lost something of value in yourself.
i speak from experience, having been on the dole for 3 years after graduating; grim as my office jobs were, i never for a moment contemplated going back on the dole as a reasonable alternative, because even then i felt that there is some minimal power in working for the means of survival; but to accept money for nothing is to become a supplicant to the State, that is to an impersonal bureaucracy with which you can have no vital human connection. It is one thing to accept payment for work done, or help from friends or family – here, there is a human relationship, a duality and a reason for the exchange; living on welfare is to become impotent, as i understand it. But just as most people would see no sense in handwriting, or using a typewriter, or having a watch instead of a mobile phone, so it seems most people think society can function if “the rich” are punitively taxed for the sin of success, and their money given to vast government bureaucracies, who then administer what little passes through their capacious absorbent gut, to the ghetto spawn who never expect to work, because they have lost all sense of personal power (which begins with minimal self-respect). i feel that power, as i perceive it, is in fact the law of the universe and hence of society and individuals, and a society which works to annul the capacity of its citizens will naturally collapse, and that seems due soon.
7. As i survey the state of dreariness and mediocrity, the triumph of the lesser man, i feel a grim optimism and curiosity. i would say, with Dante:
però giri Fortuna la sua rota
come le piace, e ‘l villan la sua marra
Turn Fortune her wheel then as she list – and the clown his mattock!