You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2017.
1. i feel i’ve finally finished my 15-years-of-tedium Bildungsroman, The Better Maker. i’ve done 3 edits this month, and though there were still things to change in the last, and i even found two mistakes (which had passed unnoticed through a dozen or more edits), i feel it’s stabilised and become crystalline and itself. Not sure if i’ll bother self-publishing it, i might just print it out so i have a paper copy and then forget about it. While i think it’s good enough, i am under no illusions as to my worth, and so feel no need to push my writings at anyone. i’ve even enjoyed writing brief pieces for my Patreons, because of the limited audience. My ideal, i suppose, would be to write only for myself, but i am, in spite of everything, human and so require occasional interaction.
2. i’ve had bugger all work since November, but used the free time to write & edit; now i feel i must find other things to do with my time, or i’ll just drink and get fat and go to seed and then dress all in black and acquire a leather sofa on which to collapse, groaning about the Jews. There have been times where i did nothing with my free time, just drank and played computer games or watched youtube channels and grew vile & obese; after a month of writing, i’ve found myself in spirit leaner and focussed, and rather than relax i want to shift this focus elsewhere. It occurs to me that we need work and difficulty, and deadlines, external imperatives, in order to attain this mental and emotional clarity & will (c.f. Anatomy of Melancholy).
3. Varg Vikernes somewhere says that as a child he lived in the Middle East (i think his father was a diplomat or engineer) and saw the compound guards happily spend hours just lounging about doing nothing – this was their idea of Paradise, to do nothing.
Work seems somehow unnecessary for the emotional satisfaction of the sand peoples. This is, i suppose, one reason for the paucity of invention in hotter climates; and perhaps why their kind, even to the umpteenth generation, are overly represented in welfare-dependency (and crime) and do badly in school. Their ideal is to lounge around while the womenfolk labour; or even better, just collect generous government subsidies, while the Kuffar labour.
i’ve found the exceptions to be workaholics to shame even the Germans – my father, for example, though actually his whole family seem so; or my student Khan, who still wakes at 0200 to begin work in his company (which he owns) despite suffering from motor neurone disease. Curiously, although my father can barely speak English, and Khan still has a strong Punjabi accent, they both prefer Europe to their homelands, and are scathing of their folk.
4. Naudhiz is an overlooked rune. The need to work, not to perish, is essential to European soul. Perhaps it is otherwise elsewhere – i cannot say, since i have only met degenerate “European Muslims” or at least European Indians etc., who, like myself, are conflicted and must either choose a side fully (as i have; though it would be more accurate to say i was chosen by the old Northern gods) or lapse into squalor & violence & decadence.
If we assume that need is not an unfortunate feature of life before technology & socialism, but rather an essential and indeed needful component of the human psyche & human society, then we do wrong to avoid work and the strenuous and difficult:
cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life. Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground.
the scholar may note additional runological features to this text.
5. In times of peace, the warrior makes war on himself (Nietzsche). i’ve found, oddly, that i can’t take much relaxation; after a while it becomes sloth and apathy and then i feel soft & base and hate my life. Thus i will try to blog at least once every 10 days, will probably continue to post shorter pieces (“aphorisms”) on my Patreon, as i’ve found i like it, and have also determined, provided i have enough free time:
5.1 To learn enough Old Norse to be able to read the Eddas and know why the English means what it means.
5.2 To learn enough origami to make hideous occult structures to perturb the herd.
5.3 To lose yet more of my blubber, and become hard & cruel & racist.
5.4 To go back to doing daily Tai Chi and/or Chi Kung (it requires little time but a certain amount of energy, which was mostly given over to editing in February).
5.5 To write an occult horror comedy screenplay.
That is all.
i’m in (hopefully) the last stages of my horrific Bildungsroman, and so probably won’t blog properly for a bit. However, i felt pangs of guilt for my Patreons, so will post short pieces on my page there – i thought about doing it here but for some reason i feel everything here has to be fully worked-out and edited and re-edited – perhaps because it’s totally public; whereas secrecy or restricted audience allows for different styles. The Patreon stuff is nothing special, so don’t bother subscribing just to read it – it’s really just anecdotes & observations, the kind of things i sometimes write on Facebook; but i’ll try and update it daily, or at least several times a week, as i am a good Capitalist in spite of myself, and actually i do appreciate the moneys my Patreons send – partly just the thought that someone (for whatever reason) enjoys my bohemian fascist ramblings enough to pay me, partly because i’ve been making about 1200 €/month before tax for the last 3 months, and need a bit more to survive.
Anyway, i’ll also try to blog here at least once a fortnight, but i hope daily Patreon posts will tender some semblance of compensation.
1. My terrible Bildungsroman, The Better Maker, seems finally ready. i wrote it from 2002 to 4, then spent the next 13 years editing. A version was self-published ten years ago, but it was an essentially juvenile work; i’m still not 100% sure about the latest, but i note that on each edit i alter less & less, and on the last only two minor points. i’ll see if i can self-publish it on Amazon in the next few days – after, of course, reading it again with inquisitorial intensity.
2. i’m unsure what, if anything, i will write after – i want to write a horror screenplay which popped into my head while watching one of Tarl Warwick’s videos, but the likelihood of highly limited audience saps my will. The only reason i pressed on with TBM was a self-imposed determination to self-publish it before i turn 41 (in a couple of weeks). i also want to write a novel which will be, simultaneously, an occult WW2 spy thriller and a post-apocalyptic dystopia, but again it’s hard to find the motivation when i reflect that probably no one will even want to read it, and those who do will probably give feedback on the lines of “you should make it into an action romance”.
3. What about Trump, eh? He has appointed some ex-Goldman Sachs viper called Munchkin as Treasury Secretary, and someone called Chaos as Transportation Secretary, highly amusing choices. Already he is being dismissed as “controlled opposition” by some; and yet the incensed “literally Hitler” hysteria continues – much of this is just purple-haired Starbucks revolutionaries; to quote Frank Herbert’s God Emperor of Dune:
All rebellions are ordinary and an ultimate bore. They are copied out of the same pattern, one much like another. The driving force is adrenalin addiction and the desire to gain personal power.
There is a certain natural momentum to such types; and yet the bought media continue to attack Trump as they would never have Obama or Clinton. Really, did anyone kick up a fuss about this:
– no, of course not, because the media didn’t tell them to. If you’re a fat, belly-patting Southron who has “manager” in your job title, then no doubt the state of the world seems highly satisfactory; if you have an ounce of intellectual honesty, then it is clear we are living in rather grim times, and that those who brought us here, including the media (who cheered the Iraq and Afghan wars, and the Obama/Clinton destruction of Libya, and attempted destruction of Syria) are flatulent demonic scum whose condemnation may be taken as a form of qualified praise.
4. In which case, is Trump the Messiah? All the right people hate him – those who destroyed Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, those who destroyed American blue collar labour; and yet, look at him – he’s a frigging New York liberal, a billionaire with deep ties to Goldman Sachs. So what exactly is going on; why are the bought media being directed to stir up such violent hatred against the man? It is now at the stage where i cannot believe he is “controlled opposition”, and i’d be surprised if some shrieking Leftist doesn’t take a shot at him soon, if you can find a Leftist who can handle a weapon.
My view is thus: it is a palace coup, one clique deposing another. Whatever Trump’s deep agenda, it must be profoundly displeasing to the true powers – even as i presume Goldman Sachs et al. will be enriched (as in the Dune cosmos, the Guild and CHOAM always come out ahead). He is not a Ron/Rand Paul-esque revolutionary, he is not exactly a libertarian; he is a Capitalist who i dare say will use the governmental powers created by Bush and Obama, but at heart i think he is someone who enjoys conflict and verbal punch-ups, and i have the feeling violence energises him; i think he could take a punch and it would just wake him up; and he expects the same of everyone:
Trump is often called thin-skinned, but as Tarl Warwick observed, he clearly isn’t, people have been calling him Hitler for a year and he just takes it. My reading of the God Emperor is: he likes conflict, competition, he requires opposition to feel fully alive, and is in a sense even grateful to his adversaries – i suspect that he doesn’t even bear Hillary Clinton or Ted Cruz or Bernie Sanders any ill will, and enjoys scoffing and taking and giving slights & insults. He is the opposite of the hysterical shrieking Feminists and SJW lunatics. One can project this mentality to form a draft of his political and financial worldview: one of intense dynamic movement; and small-scale and often merely theatrical violence, ultimately tending to a mutual profit.
Whether this oddly adversarial affability is an ideal quality in the POTUS is another question, my interest is – WHY are the bought media so determined to destroy Trump; one can walk the cat back to their masters, but when these masters seem to hold precisely the same financial interests as folk like Munchkin, the waters grow muddy.
My first reading, from the available information: Trump is opposed to a covert agenda, held by those with almost identical financial interests; and this agenda is the destruction of Western civilisation. He has attracted a clique, ranging from Mad Dog Mattis to Munchkin, who are either opposed to the destruction of the West, or were swayed by Trump, persuaded that their interests can be amply served without plunging the West into the hell of Islam.
5. Only time will tell. Politics is always something of a sideshow to metaphysics. i was moved, in this Joe Rogan talk:
where Rogan asks Jordan Peterson what viewers can do to support him, in his fight against the cancer of Political Correctness and Marxism; i expected Peterson to say something like “send me cash”, which is exactly what i would have said; instead, he encourages viewers to work on their selves, and become better human beings. He is absolutely correct, since such work has great influence upon the substratum of our consciousness & our world, and it is from this cellarage that our ghosts & visitations arise, beckoning.
One can criticise the German Resistance for their endless talking and debate; i think it was Von Moltke, awaiting execution, who decided that even a doomed resistance was of supreme value, as it would show the world that Germany was not an undivided lump of Nazis – he was wrong, of course, as the American globalist order worked hard to create (Missionaria Protectiva black arm of superstition) the myth of the universally evil Germans and the universally noble Jews, so even today one can dismiss anyone by likening him to Hitler or Nazis, and exalt anyone by comparing him to a WW2-era Jew.
And yet, i feel the Resistance, the integrity of men like Von Moltke, Adam von Trott zu Solz, had its effect – a necessarily obscure, oblique influence. A very small number of human beings are of significance in each generation. Trump is one such: it’s not a matter of spiritual quality, as he seems to me very ordinary in this respect; it is rather a certain force of will, without which very little is possible. None of his electoral rivals could come close to him in this regard, since machine politics has worked to exclude such individuals (as has our culture in general).
6. As each culture changes, enormous emotional energies tend to result. People want Messiahs, and Satans – or the modern Satan, which is Hitler (i have often been accused of being Hitler, for example by The Communist). This is an error: true power conceals itself, and so those actually in the thrall of demons become increasingly sociophobic and cagey; and likewise those on the other side avoid undue publicity. Such individuals rarely intervene in a direct political role – perhaps Stalin was one such, but he was famously reclusive and in the habit of killing anyone who got to know him too well.
i’m not a fan of Capitalism, or democracy for that matter, but they seem preferable to the alternative; at least, the volatile dynamism of Capitalism comes quite close to the constant transformation of form which is our metaphysical reality, and so is opposed to the static ideologies of socialism, whether Nazism or Marxism. In the West we have been cocooned in varieties of socialism for some time, and so lost a sense for the actual flux and violence of reality – but illusion can only be maintained for a while, before it implodes.
1. i’ve mostly lost interest in blogging, or even any written communication; actually, even spoken communication seems mostly pointless these days. However, i will at least provide some anecdotes and “thoughts” from my last few weeks.
2. i teach a local “evening school” class, subsidized by the government. Most of the students are 50-70-something Bavarian women, nice, conservative, jolly. There’s also a 50-something Pakistani called Khan, and a 40-something enormous fat German man who works in IT. The fat man is a typical Leftist: globalist, big government, more regulation, more State control, free speech leads to fascism, the white man is bad, Brexit etc. is “populism”, we need a small circle of wise Left-wing men to make decisions for all of Europe without democratic interference, etc. etc.
He is a certain type: fat, sedentary, high blood pressure, a bit infantile, ashamed of anything European. He has no children, says he will never have any, instead has a stuffed elephant toy he says he brings to work, and has named Elefanti. He occasionally goes red in the face and explodes in rage, as when we were discussing corruption and everyone except him was agreed that Germans are quite low on the corruption scale. His face went a hideous red and then he started shouting “I am sorry but this is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT! Sorry! Germans are always saying they are good people and THEY ARE NOT, THEY ARE CORRUPT. Can any of you say you don’t try to cheat the Finanzamt? [tax office]”.
i would have suggested that actually most Germans, in my experience, scrupulously declare everything to the Finanzamt, and if they hide anything it is cash transactions which come to less than 100 € a year, e.g. selling old furniture; which is not to be compared to tax evasion in East and Southern Europe, where it is more of a national sport.
However, his enormous quivering bulk and red face, and throbbing eyeballs deterred everyone, and we just sat still and looked sorry and punished and wondered if he would have a stroke and fall off his chair, while he vibrated and screamed about how wicked Germans are.
i’ve met a few Leftists in Germany – luckily, most Germans seem naturally conservative, which is probably why it’s a more civilised country than the UK – and a surprising number of these Leftists are fat, sedentary, bespectacled, sit in front of computers all day, and tend to huff (from exertion) when they get angry. They are a curious sub-species of Leftist, i term them The Fat Rabbits – they are usually women or effeminate males: smug, well-paid, obese, with the complacency of those who have swum with the current for the last 2 or 3 generations. They can be, and often are, highly aggressive, but are also terrified of violence – whereas i am generally pleasant, have rarely struck anyone before they threw the first punch, but have been slapped, kicked, punched, thrown about without holding a grievance, and i seem to have a high pain tolerance, both emotionally & physically (there is probably a correlation between tolerance for differing opinions, and one’s personal pain threshold). i’m thus far less likely to strike someone than a Leftist, but also far more likely to be able to take a punch.
3. At the last class, Khan mentioned going on the Hajj to Mecca, and how a week there was more than enough for him. As the others left, i said “i think you’re the first Hajji i’ve met,” – the word the Marines use to denote all Iraqis in the superb Generation Kill (which features the God Emperor’s chosen, General Mattis). We had a brief chat about Islam, and Germany – he said he can’t understand the Fat Rabbits, that for him Germany is a good country because of German culture, and why would they want to destroy it by importing millions of 3rd World Muslims.
It was an odd moment, as Khan is Muslim enough to go on the Hajj, and fast in Ramadan, but also recognises the vast superiority of traditional European culture over that of the Muslim nations. i like him very much and am saddened that he recently developed motor neurone disease (like Biff, a local hardman i shared the Critical Care Ward with in Manchester, on my last English asthma attack in 2009); i’ve been doing periodic rune work on his behalf, no idea if it has made any difference but it doesn’t cost me anything more than time and energy, and is amusingly multiculti, an Anglo-Indian using Viking sorcery for a Pakistani Muslim who loves Germany.
4. My Albanian neighbours have a little girl, aged about 18 months now i think. i’ve helped the Albanian woman carry the pram up and down stairs a few times, just because i happened to be there. She gets on my nerves by going onto her balcony and screaming for hours in Albanian; however, in person she’s likeable enough. Her man looks like an extra from Taken and i think is probably a drug dealer, pimp, or minor enforcer for the criminal underground here in Munich (he radiates wariness and potential for selective violence). i once saw him on the street with his little girl, teaching her to walk, and it was highly amusing, and a little touching; especially given the general rage & sentimental over-indulgence English chavs tend to direct to their spawn.
The child wakes every night, crying, and if i’m in a light enough sleep it wakes me too. They often seem to ignore it for about ten minutes, maybe hoping it will go back to sleep of its own accord. Last night, i was lying on my deteriorating sofa (my “bed” for the last 5 years) listening to the wailing, and reflected that in seemingly every culture, babies cry when they are dissatisfied, in pain, or bored, or want something, and that this must be biologically innate (though the parents’ response is, i suppose, at least partly culturally-conditioned).
5. The loud expression of pain & distress to achieve even our smallest desires is a biological, not a cultural, determination. That means ostentatious self-pity, and declared grievance are likely to remain central to human society. The so-called British stiff upper lip was, i deem, one response to this. In most cultures, the adults are (to some degree) self-controlled, having learn to suborn their transient wants & aversions to their community or their own long-term plans, and so children grow to emulate adults, putting aside immediate self-pity as they leave their infantile stage.
In our culture, expressive self-pity is tolerated and even encouraged. i found and still find it curious that many of the objections to the God Emperor follow this pattern: “I’m scared! I feel TRIGGERED!!! OMG! I don’t know what to do!!! Trump threatens me! Every time I see him I feel afraid! I’m CRYING!!!” – followed by the usual Leftist violence and gloating.
For me, hysterical expressions of fear are a sign of weakness, and emotional instability, and hence cognitive dysfunction. For the new generation, to scream and wail and thrash about is, in itself, an argument.
6. My own screaming and wailing and thrashing about is here, on my blog, or in my journals; but even so i find a certain strength develops from the conscious decision not to express woe and fear; that once one realises it is possible to act well in spite of one’s difficulties and apprehensions, a reserve of spiritual power becomes manifest, and may be accessed and drawn upon.
7. i’ve been re-reading Frank Herbert’s weird Dune books, the only sci-fi i’ve really enjoyed. It is set in a universe largely without computers, where the human is more central than in 2017, and so in atmosphere is more of a Fantasy novel, or Alan Furst spy thriller (Furst remarked that he sets his novels in the past because modern espionage would mostly be to do with technological surveillance). A passage i recall from my first reading, more than 20 years ago:
The Fremen were supreme in that quality the ancients called “spannungsbogen” – which is the self-imposed delay between desire for a thing and the act of reaching out to grasp that thing.
In my teens, i didn’t realise spannungsbogen was German. The books i find interesting in part because they recognise the essential human traits of discontent, ambition, violence, loyalty, struggle. Strength comes from resistance. Spiritual strength is developed only from self-control and self-denial – denial of the lower man, of fear and self-pity and self-indulgence. The Fat Rabbits are exemplars of self-indulgence of body and mind, and in a universe of predation and force they are not apt for long-term survival.