1. i’ve mostly lost interest in blogging, or even any written communication; actually, even spoken communication seems mostly pointless these days. However, i will at least provide some anecdotes and “thoughts” from my last few weeks.

2. i teach a local “evening school” class, subsidized by the government. Most of the students are 50-70-something Bavarian women, nice, conservative, jolly. There’s also a 50-something Pakistani called Khan, and a 40-something enormous fat German man who works in IT. The fat man is a typical Leftist: globalist, big government, more regulation, more State control, free speech leads to fascism, the white man is bad, Brexit etc. is “populism”, we need a small circle of wise Left-wing men to make decisions for all of Europe without democratic interference, etc. etc.

He is a certain type: fat, sedentary, high blood pressure, a bit infantile, ashamed of anything European. He has no children, says he will never have any, instead has a stuffed elephant toy he says he brings to work, and has named Elefanti. He occasionally goes red in the face and explodes in rage, as when we were discussing corruption and everyone except him was agreed that Germans are quite low on the corruption scale. His face went a hideous red and then he started shouting “I am sorry but this is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT! Sorry! Germans are always saying they are good people and THEY ARE NOT, THEY ARE CORRUPT. Can any of you say you don’t try to cheat the Finanzamt? [tax office]”.

i would have suggested that actually most Germans, in my experience, scrupulously declare everything to the Finanzamt, and if they hide anything it is cash transactions which come to less than 100 € a year, e.g. selling old furniture; which is not to be compared to tax evasion in East and Southern Europe, where it is more of a national sport.

However, his enormous quivering bulk and red face, and throbbing eyeballs deterred everyone, and we just sat still and looked sorry and punished and wondered if he would have a stroke and fall off his chair, while he vibrated and screamed about how wicked Germans are.

i’ve met a few Leftists in Germany – luckily, most Germans seem naturally conservative, which is probably why it’s a more civilised country than the UK – and a surprising number of these Leftists are fat, sedentary, bespectacled, sit in front of computers all day, and tend to huff (from exertion) when they get angry. They are a curious sub-species of Leftist, i term them The Fat Rabbits – they are usually women or effeminate males: smug, well-paid, obese, with the complacency of those who have swum with the current for the last 2 or 3 generations. They can be, and often are, highly aggressive, but are also terrified of violence – whereas i am generally pleasant, have rarely struck anyone before they threw the first punch, but have been slapped, kicked, punched, thrown about without holding a grievance, and i seem to have a high pain tolerance, both emotionally &  physically (there is probably a correlation between tolerance for differing opinions, and one’s personal pain threshold). i’m thus far less likely to strike someone than a Leftist, but also far more likely to be able to take a punch.

3. At the last class, Khan mentioned going on the Hajj to Mecca, and how a week there was more than enough for him. As the others left, i said “i think you’re the first Hajji i’ve met,” – the word the Marines use to denote all Iraqis in the superb Generation Kill (which features the God Emperor’s chosen, General Mattis). We had a brief chat about Islam, and Germany – he said he can’t understand the Fat Rabbits, that for him Germany is a good country because of German culture, and why would they want to destroy it by importing millions of 3rd World Muslims.

It was an odd moment, as Khan is Muslim enough to go on the Hajj, and fast in Ramadan, but also recognises the vast superiority of traditional European culture over that of the Muslim nations. i like him very much and am saddened that he recently developed motor neurone disease (like Biff, a local hardman i shared the Critical Care Ward with in Manchester, on my last English asthma attack in 2009); i’ve been doing periodic rune work on his behalf, no idea if it has made any difference but it doesn’t cost me anything more than time and energy, and is amusingly multiculti, an Anglo-Indian using Viking sorcery for a Pakistani Muslim who loves Germany.

4. My Albanian neighbours have a little girl, aged about 18 months now i think. i’ve helped the Albanian woman carry the pram up and down stairs a few times, just because i happened to be there. She gets on my nerves by going onto her balcony and screaming for hours in Albanian; however, in person she’s likeable enough. Her man looks like an extra from Taken and i think is probably a drug dealer, pimp, or minor enforcer for the criminal underground here in Munich (he radiates wariness and potential for selective violence). i once saw him on the street with his little girl, teaching her to walk, and it was highly amusing, and a little touching; especially given the general rage & sentimental over-indulgence English chavs tend to direct to their spawn.

The child wakes every night, crying, and if i’m in a light enough sleep it wakes me too. They often seem to ignore it for about ten minutes, maybe hoping it will go back to sleep of its own accord. Last night, i was lying on my deteriorating sofa (my “bed” for the last 5 years) listening to the wailing, and reflected that in seemingly every culture, babies cry when they are dissatisfied, in pain, or bored, or want something, and that this must be biologically innate (though the parents’ response is, i suppose, at least partly culturally-conditioned).

5. The loud expression of pain & distress to achieve even our smallest desires is a biological, not a cultural, determination. That means ostentatious self-pity, and declared grievance are likely to remain central to human society. The so-called British stiff upper lip was, i deem, one response to this. In most cultures, the adults are (to some degree) self-controlled, having learn to suborn their transient wants & aversions to their community or their own long-term plans, and so children grow to emulate adults, putting aside immediate self-pity as they leave their infantile stage.

In our culture, expressive self-pity is tolerated and even encouraged. i found and still find it curious that many of the objections to the God Emperor follow this pattern: “I’m scared! I feel TRIGGERED!!! OMG! I don’t know what to do!!! Trump threatens me! Every time I see him I feel afraid! I’m CRYING!!!” – followed by the usual Leftist violence and gloating.

For me, hysterical expressions of fear are a sign of weakness, and emotional instability, and hence cognitive dysfunction. For the new generation, to scream and wail and thrash about is, in itself, an argument.

6. My own screaming and wailing and thrashing about is here, on my blog, or in my journals; but even so i find a certain strength develops from the conscious decision not to express woe and fear; that once one realises it is possible to act well in spite of one’s difficulties and apprehensions, a reserve of spiritual power becomes manifest, and may be accessed and drawn upon.

7. i’ve been re-reading Frank Herbert’s weird Dune books, the only sci-fi i’ve really enjoyed. It is set in a universe largely without computers, where the human is more central than in 2017, and so in atmosphere is more of a Fantasy novel, or Alan Furst spy thriller (Furst remarked that he sets his novels in the past because modern espionage would mostly be to do with technological surveillance). A passage i recall from my first reading, more than 20 years ago:

The Fremen were supreme in that quality the ancients called “spannungsbogen” – which is the self-imposed delay between desire for a thing and the act of reaching out to grasp that thing.

In my teens, i didn’t realise spannungsbogen was German. The books i find interesting in part because they recognise the essential human traits of discontent, ambition, violence, loyalty, struggle. Strength comes from resistance. Spiritual strength is developed only from self-control and self-denial – denial of the lower man, of fear and self-pity and self-indulgence. The Fat Rabbits are exemplars of self-indulgence of body and mind, and in a universe of predation and force they are not apt for long-term survival.