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i’m off on a brief holiday in a nearby town till Tuesday, will make notes & probably write some kind of report when i return on Tuesday evening or Wednesday. If the Race War begins before i get back know that i died valiantly, screaming racist abuse and confusing the Germans and the sand peoples both, and probably in fact i just got drunk and fell in a river and drowned before i could kill anyone.

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1. i’ve been vividly dreaming the last few nights. On Monday night i dreamt of Millennial Woes (we were discussing the Race War) and of my student Heinrich. Woes is explicable because i’ve been binge-watching his old videos and they are sehr geil, Heinrich because i’ve been teaching him once a week for about a year. They are both of course Europeans and both tend to a lumberjack look, and both strike me as introverted and intelligent, but otherwise they have little in common. In the dream(s), i was discussing genocide with Woes and then later Heinrich appeared, and at some point the Heinrich dream was folded into the Woes dream. On awakening i was struck by this enfolding – i could feel that my dream mind had been trying to find a commonality between the two men and two narratives; it occurred to me that dreams are often so, taking disparate threads of our daily experience & thought and trying to compress them into one story (dreams are almost always stories). The strangeness of dreams arises in part from the attempt to form some kind of unity from plurality; it has an awkward, probing and taking-up and casting-aside nature, as in the 3rd movement of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, the music reworking what has gone before (c.f. Act 2, Scene 5 of Don Giovanni, or Cymbeline):

2. As with dreams, so our waking minds automatically seek similitude, oneness, to fold different experiences and thoughts into one clear line. Dreams, i think, are in part the formation of a narrative out of our daily experience & thought, because without an overarching & containing pattern we could make little sense of our lives. And this pattern is typically implicit, almost invisible because it is the means by which the visible is made comprehensible (and memorable); it is not the visible itself.

In our times, that which is not empirically testable or clearly visible is dismissed as a fancy or a lie. And yet it is precisely this which makes our world (die Welt ist die Gesamtheit der Tatsachen, nicht der Dinge).

3. Black Pigeon Speaks made a video on our foundation myth; in brief, in the West ours is: WHITE PEOPLE = NAZIS = HOLOCAUST = EVIL

 

Which is unfortunate for us but rather spiffing for non-Europeans, well for the moment.

4. i doubt Western civilisation (let alone culture) will return. But the dream may reassert itself, in some necessarily distorted, awkward, unexpected fashion. Although empires and civilisations & cultures have died in the past, ours is a little different: we have enough literature, art, and music from the heyday of the West to perhaps keep some version faintly alive, for eventual transformation. As Phillip Jeffries remarked in Fire Walk With Me, we live inside a dream. Our waking sentience is mostly directed to imposing some semblance of order on what is in fact a truly David Lynchian cosmos of malleable identity, time & space.

The world is inexplicably bizarre; but part of our dreaming is to fashion a dream acceptable to our own sanity. It is not so much that our understanding of the world is a lie, as it is very much within the parameters of our sanity. However, it occasionally shifts and then there tend to be psychic disturbances, odd incidences of e.g. collective amnesia or psychosis. Whenever the collective dream shifts, enormous energies of the unconscious spill out, in violence and madness and exaltation.

At present i feel unfortunately like Phillip Jeffries wandered back into civilisation after 2 years in the Black Lodge. Luckily, my job keeps me grounded in the day to day detail of ordinary men & women, since, after all, it is their dream too.

SOCRATES: So we are perfectly justified if we say that a small portion of pure white is to be regarded as whiter than a larger quantity of an impure whiteness, and at the same time more beautiful and possessed of more truth?

PROTARCHUS: Perfectly justified.

(Plato, Philebus, tr. Dorothea Frede)

1. Good video from The Great Order:

on insipid ad music. A great deal of our culture is advertising. If advertising in its modern form began by saying “look at these focken cool guys, you should be like them and buy these products”, it has now become embedded in our daily life – so everyone i know uses free services like Facebook, Whatsapp, Gmail, Google, Yahoo, where as far as i can tell the revenue comes entirely from data collection and hence advertising – well, assuming intelligence agencies didn’t fund these companies for data collection in the first place.

2. Propaganda and advertising are designed to overlay experience with a grid of values, so a Fiat is for sporty single women, a BMW for the older, established man of means, and so on. Although we are living in an unusually advanced propaganda-world, it is merely a development of ordinary social valuations. i’m told, for example, that although swords are not necessarily the most practical of melee weapons, because of their cost and the lengthy training required for mastery they became something of a status symbol. The difference is that, today, the Swords R Us company would hammer this point home with adverts showing a mud-encrusted peasant, hacking up blood and tooth fragments, hefting his cudgel en route to slaughter a pig or eat a clod of dung, and then behold! – he sees a moustache-twirling young buck with a longsword and says, Ee by Gad, that be reet special that be.

3. i had an Italian student recently, a middle manager at a large telecommunications company, who was planning to take a 6-month motorbike trip from Germany east through the ‘stans. He told the other students (all Germans) an anecdote: he was in Laos and his bike broke down in the middle of a jungle, he was afeared for his life but managed to capture a local Indian to sacrifice a virgin and all turned out for the best. “It was a really good experience,” he said, “I mean now. At the time I wanted to die, I really just wished I was dead. I was in the middle of a jungle with no one around and I thought, okay now I am totally lost.”

i mentioned Heart of Darkness, Marlow’s sense that the overpopulated, orderly life of London is inadequate, is something of an illusion & contrivance with infamous cookery, by God. Kierkegaard wrote, i think in Stages on Life’s Way, to the effect that the sailor lost at sea, or the traveler walking through the wilds at night, is closer to God than the city man who lives within a few hundred meters of the policeman and post office (Conrad uses very similar phrasing in Heart of Darkness). As my student talked i felt that despite all our achieved order and civilisation, we require a certain chaos & peril to feel alive; or say rather, our lives must be informed by the non-human, by that which is not under human control.

4. It is curious to see scowling Germans on the train, looking highly serious and disgruntled as is their wont with their fake Louis Vuitton bags and serious newspapers, and then someone comes on with a dog and almost everyone smiles and makes faces at the dog and tries to stroke it.

To be fully human is to impinge on the non-human; those who would live wholly within the manmade become robotic. We require periodic contact with that which we did not make, with apparent chaos; a greater order.

5. The dream of the Matrix is to order our vile chaotic humanity and slot us all neatly into pods for the harvest. But our proposed masters are not machines: they are very fallible men and women, and above them the demons who, i would suppose, are every bit as conflicted & uneasy amidst their power & malevolence.

6. The manmade order (Matrix) can only exist within the greater order of the cosmos. When the manmade order deviates sufficiently, it is destroyed. Prophets, if you like, are those who would re-establish the city with god, before the Flood. i feel reasonably sure there will be a catastrophic economic crash before the next European election cycle – this is based not on any knowledge but rather on paranoid glee – and this will come as an enormous psychic blow, especially to the Germans, and will be accompanied by, to put it mildly, social unrest on the part of our recent exotic guests.

i don’t think, however, it will be entirely horrific. Many will be delighted to have a reason not to go to work – even if that reason is that you’re being raped and eaten alive. After all, being raped and eaten only takes a few hours. And just think, if you don’t get raped and eaten but instead can take to the hills with a cudgel (or sword) and some kind of German dog, you might have yourself a rather splendid time.

7. Years ago in Italy, a proto-Leftist played me some of his CDs. i hadn’t brought any music (this was in 2003) and was going slightly nuts from deprivation, and so we spent many a glorious evening just sitting around his CD player drinking red wine and listening to his portable collection. We discussed how a song can be ruined by association – so it took me a long time to be able to listen to Layla without thinking of crummy Vauxhall Astra cars – the song was used on a high-rotation advert for a car that looked like this:

The proto-leftist told me he’d had Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain ruined for him by a similar advert; i didn’t know the song; he said there was no way i hadn’t heard it, i shrugged, so he played it; and indeed i hadn’t heard it ever before in my life and by the end he was almost weeping at the thought that for me it was pure & uncontaminated by advertising:

When our materialist, self-hating societies collapse into Mad Max-style slaughter & rape & cannibalism, it will of course be mildly unpleasant but there will also be that shock of the authentic, as when i heard ‘The Chain’. Modern religions having done away with a contained wildness & awe, the leopards will merely destroy the temple itself, and devour the congregation:

Leoparden brechen in den Tempel ein und saufen die Opferkrüge leer; das wiederholt sich immer wieder; schließlich kann man es vorausberechnen, und es wird ein Teil der Zeremonie.

Leopards break into the temple and drink from the sacrificial vessels; this happens again & again; finally, one can forecast it well in advance and indeed it even becomes part of the ceremony.

1. i hungered for carbs this evening, so decided to get me a frozen pizza because i am classy like that. By trial & error i’ve discovered that most frozen pizzas either stick to the baking tray or become awash with grease, or the outsides are burnt and the core is lukewarm and gooey. The exception: a supermarket own-brand, significantly cheaper but by God they cook up really good and taste like a new Murdoch Murdoch.

2. It is often alleged of Communism and its hundreds of millions of fatalities, that we never really had real Communism. Living as we do in an old chaos of the sun, amidst the messiness of men and women and their works & whims, i could say – the label and the packaging and marketing must be secondary to the result. One could accuse, that i have a cheap old oven (actually a Siemens and quite old so probably better than anything modern) and hence can’t cook these fancy pizzas the way they need. But, for me, that just means i shouldn’t be buying fancy pizzas.

Likewise, Mankind is an old, functional but wayward thing and modern ideas simply don’t cook right with us. The end and dream may be nice but if every attempted implementation leads to mass murder, tyranny, starvation, and the gulag, one might reasonably suppose something in this nice dream is in fact utterly at odds with reality and barring an unprecedented shift in human consciousness, it will always lead to suffering and death.

3. A dog finds a shiny interesting-looking piece of what could be food. It looks nice, smells nice, but causes a week’s intestinal anguish. Next time, the dog finds the same artifact and gobbles it up, however this time taking certain canine precautions, for example drinking more water. Same result. Next time, the dog finds the same artifact and gobbles it up, trying increasingly clever precautions (only on a Wednesday, only on an empty stomach, only in small doses, only before sleep, only with a Bifi roll) – same agonising result. But it looks so nice!!!

And then the dog meets a preening and fat pug, who tells him, – It will make you feel wonderful and you will be healthy and sturdy! You must be doing something wrong! It is so nice, if it is nasty to you, then you are the problem!!! We will take you to the dog pound and have you put down! 

1. Millennial Woes defined a group here (he originally did so in an earlier video but this stuck in my mind):

A set of individuals: people who might share characteristics but don’t necessarily have any bond with each other, and whose existence is entirely in the present moment. Contrast that with a group: people who share characteristics and have a bond with each other, and can be considered the present iteration of an entity which might have existed in the past and might exist in the future. The concept of time has been introduced, which inaugurates the group as a group rather than a set of random individuals who happen to have some similarities.

2. After copying out the above i went shopping and in the supermarket queue was standing behind a youngish guy who, i decided, was probably ex-military: Germany had conscription till recently so that’s not so remarkable, though usually they lose the manner fairly quickly after leaving. Without really paying attention i paid attention to his interaction with the cashier (a new guy, young, German), and felt that not only was the customer ex- (or perhaps still) military, but the cashier was also, and there was a kind of recognition. i was mostly thinking about what i would write about groups upon my return, and was thus only vaguely aware of the slight differences in body language, gaze, movement, etc. of the two, and then the cashier asked if the customer wanted the receipt, he said no, and the cashier said, Alles klar, and i smiled to myself; for outside of Das Boot

in my eight years in Germany i have only ever heard this phrase from Bundeswehr soldiers and i felt the cashier was either half-consciously letting him know, “i was in the Bund” or it was a wholly unconscious sympathetic response.

3. On the walk home i analysed my recognition of the two and realised that every single element could be disputed, that is not a single datum was in itself absolute proof. However, the presence and relation of several data is both difficult to explain and yet almost immediately sensed and typical of a particular identity. When i think, what characterises the group Bundeswehr, i would say they are brisk and yet relaxed, and don’t fidget. They often try not to look like soldiers, perhaps in the same way alcoholics try to act sober when they’ve in fact had a few ales.

4. Human beings are eminently social animals. But then, even animals are largely social. The social instinct – to identify with a group – seems innate. From a reductive biological perspective, those who lacked the sense of a group, and the desire to belong, are highly unlikely to have survived. So, if there is some biological basis to group identity (i find it hard to imagine that birds, by trial and error, figured out how to build nests or fly in formation, and then each generation somehow teaches its offspring in a manner no human observer can detect), probably everyone has it to some degree.

5. In our rather nauseating times, it is popular to declare oneself an individual. i am a human being! they say, Not a European! Fine but such folk merely reposition their group from the genetic and local to the political, and with oddly more ferocity – where hardcore Bavarians for example will happily say that they are not really German and Berliners are just Prussians, they don’t generally dislike non-Bavarians – they just regard them as different and a bit odd. But talk to a Leftist and, well – you don’t even need a signed copy of Mein Kampf anymore, it’s enough to say things like this:

and you’re in the gulag forever; i mean, unless your name is Clinton. i can’t think of a single person of my acquaintance who doesn’t express this group-desire in some form or another.

6. i don’t really see why people talk about individualism as if it’s even possible for more than a tiny number of, well, oddballs. You need an internal momentum and integrity to resist the allure of the consensual, and that is naturally rare. Those who advertise themselves as individuals are usually just losers who want to be cool, and then become partisan and join clubs and dye their hair blue and read the Guardian; and perhaps put on funny clothes, smash shit up, and get some of that sweet Soros gro. Those who are truly individual tend to an indeterminable, deep identity which also makes them hard to predict and liable to change their own mind on peripheral topics, and to associate with a variety of folk – for example, Styxhexenhammer666 has talked with civic nationalists like Sargon, the Jewish Bernie bro progressive H.A. Goodman, the Alt-Right Richard Spencer, the an-cap Stefan Molyneux.

The rest of humanity are just normies – they can be intelligent, they can be interesting, but ultimately they are driven by the need to be acceptable, and if tomorrow it became mainstream to eat babies they would read New York Times editorials on the health and social benefits of infantophagy and at first stare, uncomprehending, then nod slowly, and lick their lips, and when they look up to see the same narrative on CNN they will think, Yes, I always thought we should do something like this!

And the more intelligent they are, the cleverer their justifications and post hoc analyses.

7. Although i understand nothing of Physics, one could use the metaphor of particles & waves, and say that each person is an atomic thing, a particle, but part of being a particle is to also be a wave. From the particular standpoint, waves are illusory, are fancies and nonsense. One can take a teaspoon of water from a wave of the sea, and find no evidence of the wave in these five or so milliliters – that does not disprove the wave.

Perhaps it is better to say, not that the wave is greater than the teaspoon of water, but that they occupy different realities – or are different ways of seeing reality; the dancer & the dance.

1. Millennial Woes started a series on the media response to each exploding/stabbing Mohammed, on the grounds that there isn’t much to say about the acts themselves (either recent immigrant or a homegrown Jihadi, usually a petty criminal “known to the police” – nothing remarkable in the West). i likewise find the Harvey Weinstein scandal uninteresting (powerful Hollywood American with German surname supports Hillary Clinton and also sexually abuses women!) but it’s interesting to consider what’s going on behind the scenes. As ever, the corporate media signals the favour or disfavour of the elites (just look at their brief u-turn on Trump when he ordered a strike against Syria).

2. Everyone knew about Weinstein. The stories were however repeatedly killed by the corporate media:

When Maddow asked why Farrow’s feature ended up at The New Yorker rather than at NBC, where he is employed as a correspondent, he replied, “You would have to ask NBC and NBC executives about the details. I’m not going to comment on any news organization’s story that they did or did not run.”

3. But now it’s open season on Weinstein. Why? It’s certainly not in the interests of the liberal elites to show their Democrat darlings up as squalid sexual operators. i presume that Weinstein pissed off the wrong people, people higher up than him. And now his life is more or less ruined and i would guess he knows quite a lot about not only his echelon, but his immediate superiors in the demonic hierarchy, and so – well, i wouldn’t be surprised if he accidentally drops a barbell on his own throat in the gym, or shoots himself twice in the back of the head, or a robber will shoot him in the back and then not take anything. The nature of these deaths themselves are interesting – i think deliberately clumsy, as it were sending a double signal: to the normies it’s just an accident, to those who might betray their demonic masters, a robbery where nothing is stolen is a warning – behave, you!

4. So now the whole of Hollywood is suddenly, on cue, appalled. And when instructed, they will all forget about it. Surreal, isn’t it? On an occult level, the intensely strange nature of Hollywood, of actors, attracts certain grotesque and malign elements. Collective atmosphere can open doors that shouldn’t be opened (or that should) and when i consider the self-righteous hypocrisy of men like Ben Affleck or George Clooney, the levels of commitment and imaginative focus needed to be a great or even a good actor, the little created world of a film, which can reach out and transform a significantly broader reality (the influence of Star Wars, for example), then i think one would see a strange turmoil of ritualistic energy about Hollywood. And that attracts certain forces and forms; indeed, it invites them:

1. i was in McLingua the other day, talking to a Mooing Cow: this is one of the standard types among English teachers: young, American, Left-wing, female, slightly pudgy, gormless expression, tends to walk around sighing, God, I’m so tired!, and i saw she had a new class at a company i’m also at once a week. i told her how to get there and because i can get there quite easily (bus then u-bahn then walking, so i can avoid the almost permanently dysfunctional s-bahns) i was on the verge of exhorting her to take the number blah blah blah bus from Elberryville to such-and-such a u-bahn station, then the U-blah to blah, then realised, Wait a minute she doesn’t live in Elberryville, at best the final u-bahn station is relevant to her.

Later i reflected that because i like the commute (it only takes an hour from door to door, and i like buses) i wanted to recommend it to her, and so ignored its almost total irrelevance for her needs. Directions are useless unless you share a starting point as well as a goal.

2. This is a general pattern of response for human beings. A few months ago i met a woman who used to work at McLingua (she’s now a HR boss somewhere). We were at the Weisses Bräuhaus on the Tal and she first summoned the typically surly Bavarian waitress and in her poncy German asked for vegetarian dishes, then when told there were none to be had asked what she could get without pork, meriting another surly look since virtually everything on the menu has the word Schwein in it.

i made the mistake of saying i wouldn’t eat because i only had 6 Euros in my bank (i should have told her i wasn’t hungry). She exploded, in her cosmopolitan luvvie accent, – Oh my God, that’s terrible! That’s really shocking! Really, you should sue McLingua! – and then insisted on buying soup for me.

i should have just said, Actually, your stupid poncy voice has put me off eating, but being Mr Tact i shrugged and let her buy me soup that i didn’t particularly want. She then spent the next hour haranguing me for my life choices, while i tried to eat my soup and felt miserable and trapped by the life choice of letting her order food for me.

3. She’s not a bad person but a typical progressive – she speaks in a passionate la-di-da plummy accent, full of shallow conviction on every subject under the sun, for example she told me Donald Trump is literally an idiot, the man is totally stupid. He’s really a Russian spy and then, when i exploded with laughter (bits of soup spraying over the table) she added authoritatively, – I’ve done a lot of research and he’s totally controlled by Putin.

She exhorted me to go for office jobs, for example as a translator. i told her my German is nowhere near good enough to translate and she said, – Don’t tell them that! You have to fake it a bit! – then, when she saw my look of disdain, – God, Elberry! You’ve got to learn to be strategic.

That’s apparently the new word for lying. i told her i did 20 office jobs in England and would rather live an uncertain life doing a job i half-like than a 9 to 5 in something i hate, something i’m bad at. She of course wasn’t having it and kept pointing to my poverty as a sign of my failure in life, and as is the way of such folk (always women) she took this as an invitation to harangue me to, as it were, follow her directions from her spiritual starting point (Progressive egotism) to her goal (worldly status).

What a stupid cow.

4. Over time my general map has become increasingly occult, so where 20 years ago it would have been fairly comprehensible to the normies, it is now more like a personal grimoire. i’ve found that certain acts please my hamingja, while others weaken it:  lying always leaves me beset by mishap & awkwardness, though very occasional theatricality & deception seems fine – the difference here seems that the latter is not for personal gain or ego but is more of a spiritual manoeuvre, and typically exercised for purposes of high mirth or to create a magical space, to as it were temporarily exit normality. When i contemplated Prog Power Woman, i felt keenly that she was spiritually astray, with a weakened, modern hamingja, at odds with her world because she is an atomized, cosmopolitan egotist who exercises dominance over others under the guise of benevolence.

i decided never to see her again, as i don’t see any way to communicate with people like this. It was, however, interesting that she instinctively recognised the magical power in buying food for someone, and used it to control my presence, so i couldn’t simply get up and go but had to calmly finish my soup and then tell her how grateful i was for her charity if not for the bullshit coming out of her stupid progressive cow mouth.

i don’t even like soup.

1. July 16, 1945.

2. “This, of course, was The Atom Bomb, the most dangerous and destructive energy ever manipulated by man on earth. Physically, it means our world can be reduced to radioactive ruins in minutes, its millions of inhabitants incinerated in the hottest hell mankind has ever made for himself. Mentally and spiritually, its mere existence has altered us and therefore our Tradition forever on this poor planet. There is another and even more deadly danger the Bomb brought with it which seems to be unrealized except among occult individuals.

“In some way not yet realized, all our radioactive explosions, experiments, and contrivances have made it possible for an altogether alien influence of what could be called “anti-life” to be drawn to us. This cannot be classed as “Evil” in any ordinary sense at all, and yet its long-term effects on us could prove fatal in the worst sense imaginable. It is inimical to our inner evolution purely out of necessity to itself rather than animosity to us, and indeed has no “feelings” of any kind whatever as we would recognize the word. What has happened is that our mishandling of fissionable elements opened up entirely unauthorized and automatic paths between our states of existence and what might be termed conditions of “contra-cosmos.” 

(William Gordon Gray, An Outlook on Our Inner Western Way)

3. i feel something did alter in the West after 1945, not merely on a sociological level, but metaphysically. As above, so below, as they say – i don’t necessarily think the atomic bomb caused this shift, or vice versa; but say rather they went together; and perhaps the bomb didn’t so much open a portal to malign entities, as close a chink in human consciousness.

The post-war period seems to me divisible into 1945-1989, and 1989 to the present; this second stage is nihilistic, bestial, technocratic. i note, idly, that Twin Peaks first aired in 1990, and given Lynch’s occult inclinations i wonder if there is another shift occurring now:

4. i was today strolling at twilight around the nearby lake and passed a couple using their smartphones as flashlights in the rain, and averted my eyes to preserve my night vision. i find it emblematic of the modern Germans, that they do not trust their eyesight, smell, and hearing, but instead use a very short-lived technology to light up a very small section of their path.

i was walking the same route a few days ago, at late twilight, and sensed, then saw what turned out to be a hedgehog in my path, and slowed to allow it to scuttle into the bushes; i have bad eyesight but have walked in woods at night without problems, as could anyone, or at least anyone not ruined by cities and technology. i would recommend twilight walking, in unlit areas, for anyone interested in the occult: the senses come to life, even eyesight operates at an unusual pitch, and one starts to perceive differently, more acutely, and one’s rhythm is accommodated to the environs (so, for example, i didn’t stop or swerve because that would have merely alarmed the already alarmed hedgehog).

5. At a certain crossroads i invoked Wotan and the rain shuddered about me; there were old forms following through the trees, conscious again.

If 1945 and the bomb signaled the unnatural closing of a portal, i trust that our times will see a kind of anti-atomic-bomb, an integration of that which has been torn asunder and scattered. That which was real and passed into dream may be again, since to be human is to dwell upon dream; Proto-Indo-European had the optative, and so may it be.

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