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1. i’ve been vividly dreaming the last few nights. On Monday night i dreamt of Millennial Woes (we were discussing the Race War) and of my student Heinrich. Woes is explicable because i’ve been binge-watching his old videos and they are sehr geil, Heinrich because i’ve been teaching him once a week for about a year. They are both of course Europeans and both tend to a lumberjack look, and both strike me as introverted and intelligent, but otherwise they have little in common. In the dream(s), i was discussing genocide with Woes and then later Heinrich appeared, and at some point the Heinrich dream was folded into the Woes dream. On awakening i was struck by this enfolding – i could feel that my dream mind had been trying to find a commonality between the two men and two narratives; it occurred to me that dreams are often so, taking disparate threads of our daily experience & thought and trying to compress them into one story (dreams are almost always stories). The strangeness of dreams arises in part from the attempt to form some kind of unity from plurality; it has an awkward, probing and taking-up and casting-aside nature, as in the 3rd movement of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, the music reworking what has gone before (c.f. Act 2, Scene 5 of Don Giovanni, or Cymbeline):

2. As with dreams, so our waking minds automatically seek similitude, oneness, to fold different experiences and thoughts into one clear line. Dreams, i think, are in part the formation of a narrative out of our daily experience & thought, because without an overarching & containing pattern we could make little sense of our lives. And this pattern is typically implicit, almost invisible because it is the means by which the visible is made comprehensible (and memorable); it is not the visible itself.

In our times, that which is not empirically testable or clearly visible is dismissed as a fancy or a lie. And yet it is precisely this which makes our world (die Welt ist die Gesamtheit der Tatsachen, nicht der Dinge).

3. Black Pigeon Speaks made a video on our foundation myth; in brief, in the West ours is: WHITE PEOPLE = NAZIS = HOLOCAUST = EVIL

 

Which is unfortunate for us but rather spiffing for non-Europeans, well for the moment.

4. i doubt Western civilisation (let alone culture) will return. But the dream may reassert itself, in some necessarily distorted, awkward, unexpected fashion. Although empires and civilisations & cultures have died in the past, ours is a little different: we have enough literature, art, and music from the heyday of the West to perhaps keep some version faintly alive, for eventual transformation. As Phillip Jeffries remarked in Fire Walk With Me, we live inside a dream. Our waking sentience is mostly directed to imposing some semblance of order on what is in fact a truly David Lynchian cosmos of malleable identity, time & space.

The world is inexplicably bizarre; but part of our dreaming is to fashion a dream acceptable to our own sanity. It is not so much that our understanding of the world is a lie, as it is very much within the parameters of our sanity. However, it occasionally shifts and then there tend to be psychic disturbances, odd incidences of e.g. collective amnesia or psychosis. Whenever the collective dream shifts, enormous energies of the unconscious spill out, in violence and madness and exaltation.

At present i feel unfortunately like Phillip Jeffries wandered back into civilisation after 2 years in the Black Lodge. Luckily, my job keeps me grounded in the day to day detail of ordinary men & women, since, after all, it is their dream too.

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1. Millennial Woes defined a group here (he originally did so in an earlier video but this stuck in my mind):

A set of individuals: people who might share characteristics but don’t necessarily have any bond with each other, and whose existence is entirely in the present moment. Contrast that with a group: people who share characteristics and have a bond with each other, and can be considered the present iteration of an entity which might have existed in the past and might exist in the future. The concept of time has been introduced, which inaugurates the group as a group rather than a set of random individuals who happen to have some similarities.

2. After copying out the above i went shopping and in the supermarket queue was standing behind a youngish guy who, i decided, was probably ex-military: Germany had conscription till recently so that’s not so remarkable, though usually they lose the manner fairly quickly after leaving. Without really paying attention i paid attention to his interaction with the cashier (a new guy, young, German), and felt that not only was the customer ex- (or perhaps still) military, but the cashier was also, and there was a kind of recognition. i was mostly thinking about what i would write about groups upon my return, and was thus only vaguely aware of the slight differences in body language, gaze, movement, etc. of the two, and then the cashier asked if the customer wanted the receipt, he said no, and the cashier said, Alles klar, and i smiled to myself; for outside of Das Boot

in my eight years in Germany i have only ever heard this phrase from Bundeswehr soldiers and i felt the cashier was either half-consciously letting him know, “i was in the Bund” or it was a wholly unconscious sympathetic response.

3. On the walk home i analysed my recognition of the two and realised that every single element could be disputed, that is not a single datum was in itself absolute proof. However, the presence and relation of several data is both difficult to explain and yet almost immediately sensed and typical of a particular identity. When i think, what characterises the group Bundeswehr, i would say they are brisk and yet relaxed, and don’t fidget. They often try not to look like soldiers, perhaps in the same way alcoholics try to act sober when they’ve in fact had a few ales.

4. Human beings are eminently social animals. But then, even animals are largely social. The social instinct – to identify with a group – seems innate. From a reductive biological perspective, those who lacked the sense of a group, and the desire to belong, are highly unlikely to have survived. So, if there is some biological basis to group identity (i find it hard to imagine that birds, by trial and error, figured out how to build nests or fly in formation, and then each generation somehow teaches its offspring in a manner no human observer can detect), probably everyone has it to some degree.

5. In our rather nauseating times, it is popular to declare oneself an individual. i am a human being! they say, Not a European! Fine but such folk merely reposition their group from the genetic and local to the political, and with oddly more ferocity – where hardcore Bavarians for example will happily say that they are not really German and Berliners are just Prussians, they don’t generally dislike non-Bavarians – they just regard them as different and a bit odd. But talk to a Leftist and, well – you don’t even need a signed copy of Mein Kampf anymore, it’s enough to say things like this:

and you’re in the gulag forever; i mean, unless your name is Clinton. i can’t think of a single person of my acquaintance who doesn’t express this group-desire in some form or another.

6. i don’t really see why people talk about individualism as if it’s even possible for more than a tiny number of, well, oddballs. You need an internal momentum and integrity to resist the allure of the consensual, and that is naturally rare. Those who advertise themselves as individuals are usually just losers who want to be cool, and then become partisan and join clubs and dye their hair blue and read the Guardian; and perhaps put on funny clothes, smash shit up, and get some of that sweet Soros gro. Those who are truly individual tend to an indeterminable, deep identity which also makes them hard to predict and liable to change their own mind on peripheral topics, and to associate with a variety of folk – for example, Styxhexenhammer666 has talked with civic nationalists like Sargon, the Jewish Bernie bro progressive H.A. Goodman, the Alt-Right Richard Spencer, the an-cap Stefan Molyneux.

The rest of humanity are just normies – they can be intelligent, they can be interesting, but ultimately they are driven by the need to be acceptable, and if tomorrow it became mainstream to eat babies they would read New York Times editorials on the health and social benefits of infantophagy and at first stare, uncomprehending, then nod slowly, and lick their lips, and when they look up to see the same narrative on CNN they will think, Yes, I always thought we should do something like this!

And the more intelligent they are, the cleverer their justifications and post hoc analyses.

7. Although i understand nothing of Physics, one could use the metaphor of particles & waves, and say that each person is an atomic thing, a particle, but part of being a particle is to also be a wave. From the particular standpoint, waves are illusory, are fancies and nonsense. One can take a teaspoon of water from a wave of the sea, and find no evidence of the wave in these five or so milliliters – that does not disprove the wave.

Perhaps it is better to say, not that the wave is greater than the teaspoon of water, but that they occupy different realities – or are different ways of seeing reality; the dancer & the dance.

1. Millennial Woes started a series on the media response to each exploding/stabbing Mohammed, on the grounds that there isn’t much to say about the acts themselves (either recent immigrant or a homegrown Jihadi, usually a petty criminal “known to the police” – nothing remarkable in the West). i likewise find the Harvey Weinstein scandal uninteresting (powerful Hollywood American with German surname supports Hillary Clinton and also sexually abuses women!) but it’s interesting to consider what’s going on behind the scenes. As ever, the corporate media signals the favour or disfavour of the elites (just look at their brief u-turn on Trump when he ordered a strike against Syria).

2. Everyone knew about Weinstein. The stories were however repeatedly killed by the corporate media:

When Maddow asked why Farrow’s feature ended up at The New Yorker rather than at NBC, where he is employed as a correspondent, he replied, “You would have to ask NBC and NBC executives about the details. I’m not going to comment on any news organization’s story that they did or did not run.”

3. But now it’s open season on Weinstein. Why? It’s certainly not in the interests of the liberal elites to show their Democrat darlings up as squalid sexual operators. i presume that Weinstein pissed off the wrong people, people higher up than him. And now his life is more or less ruined and i would guess he knows quite a lot about not only his echelon, but his immediate superiors in the demonic hierarchy, and so – well, i wouldn’t be surprised if he accidentally drops a barbell on his own throat in the gym, or shoots himself twice in the back of the head, or a robber will shoot him in the back and then not take anything. The nature of these deaths themselves are interesting – i think deliberately clumsy, as it were sending a double signal: to the normies it’s just an accident, to those who might betray their demonic masters, a robbery where nothing is stolen is a warning – behave, you!

4. So now the whole of Hollywood is suddenly, on cue, appalled. And when instructed, they will all forget about it. Surreal, isn’t it? On an occult level, the intensely strange nature of Hollywood, of actors, attracts certain grotesque and malign elements. Collective atmosphere can open doors that shouldn’t be opened (or that should) and when i consider the self-righteous hypocrisy of men like Ben Affleck or George Clooney, the levels of commitment and imaginative focus needed to be a great or even a good actor, the little created world of a film, which can reach out and transform a significantly broader reality (the influence of Star Wars, for example), then i think one would see a strange turmoil of ritualistic energy about Hollywood. And that attracts certain forces and forms; indeed, it invites them:

1. i’ve been doing a lot of writing recently, on computer; typos abound, sometimes letter substitutions, sometimes totally different words, e.g. “want” instead of “watch”.

This never happens with handwriting, nor so frequently when i write on one of my manual typewriters, perhaps because there is no delete key, perhaps because it feels (and is) more directly physical.

How differently we experience our own thought when we make so many errors, when error is so easily corrected.

2. People often suppose that we have the thought, fully-formed, and then express it with language. Instead, a kind of presence builds, vaguely, and we begin to speak or write; and the utterance creates the thought. It is not a matter of midwifing the thought, but rather of creating it with language.

3. i get most of my “news” from Youtube now: for a fuller sense of the person who creates the thought. i always found corporate media tedious – as with school, it felt wooden and mechanical. There was very little humanity to it – and by humanity i mean anything authentic (for good or ill). My father tried to force me to read the dreary Times every day and i leafed through it hoping for a good war or cannibal outbreak, but alas it was always tedious grey-haired London faggots writing about the junior undersecretary for trade’s latest tax incentive. Fuck that shit, thought i, i shall play Dune 2 and read David Gemmell.

The authentic will win out over time, which is one reason Social Justice Warriors try to co-opt and pervert non-ideological works such as Ghostbusters or Lord of the Flies or Thor or Star Trek/Wars: they want to destroy the original as much as possible, to put it in the “memory hole” and overwrite it with their Politically Correct Feminist, egalitarian Marxshit. It’s a sign of our degenerate times that Star Trek for example was always a progressive, globalist show – but by today’s standards it is appallingly misogynistic and Capitalist Imperialist and racist and sexist and homophobic and xenophobic and Islamophobic and Patriarchicacalifragilisticexpialidocioustistic and so must be overwritten.

The Left wish to consign the past to the memory hole because it’s easier to say “we never had real Communism” if people aren’t aware that every time it’s been attempted the results, for some odd reason, are always horrific; and because the original Star Trek (and TNG) while frequently silly & leftist, have a levity & nuance & zany weirdness

not to be found in today’s shrieking Left – and thus must be overwritten. Kirk would shit on these modern menstruals with his whacky antics and huge phallus, therefore he must be forgotten.

4. Youtube allows something like the spontaneity and authenticity of one-to-one conversation. If, for example, i read that blacks & whites don’t integrate in America, that may or may not be true; however, when Toddball told me he had black friends as a child in Chicago but as soon as they entered “middle school” (or something similarly American) his black friends automatically self-segregated and would only hang out with other negroes, i can judge this to be probably true – i have his facial expressions, his body language, his voice, and my knowledge of him and my read of his character.

5. Bryan Appleyard, if i recall correctly, wrote (in Understanding the Present) that the modern worldview is of the universe without a human viewer, a universe in which human beings are merely objects, data. The so-called scientific objectivity has leaked out into our wider culture, so newspapers have their house style and one of my more intelligent university tutors had a paper rejected as being “not academic style” – the aim is to remove the individual, the particular perspective, and attain a denatured objectivity.

i reach for as full a context as possible, to understand just who is speaking. When i discovered blogs, in 2005, i was stirred more by the authentic strange character of these strange people writing whatever nonsense or sense: Bryan Appleyard, KurpThe Grumpy Old Bookman, Ensio Kataja, Longsword, Brit, Richard MadeleySteven Moore, than by their particular content. Now most of the above have died of drink i find myself more interested in Youtube. Here is an old video by Millennial Woes who seems to me an evidently decent human being, and to have not mere facility with language, but a meditative, unscripted ease & fluency; and he values the individual and the group:

6. While language clearly can and is often used to deceive or for malign ends, the fuller the context the harder this is. The corporate media makes for a flat, ahistorical perspective; i would say, to use Nassim Taleb’s terms, one should have skin in the game, be involved and both perceive and present as full and unmitigated a context as possible.

 

1. i was going to watch a Black Mirror episode tonight, and then fell to thinking of this Millennial Woes video (i won’t embed it, because his whole channel will probably be Shoahed soon), The Dishonest Mirror. Human beings abstract from reality, we generalise, we form representations to communicate with others, and to explain reality to ourselves. We are to a degree imprisoned within our own representations, as Shakespeare’s kings believe themselves to be not the boys they once were, but rather King – hence, the near or actual insanity that comes from dethroning, as with Richard II and Lear.

2. It would be easy to say we should dispense with our representations; but we have them for a reason – to massively accelerate comprehension and communication. Without representations, we would exist in a state of animal-like immediacy, unfoolable but also without all culture and civilisation. There are days this seems preferable, e.g. when i want to check my email and Yahoo insists on telling me that Obama’s tweet about the Charleston is the most popular tweet of all time, as if i should care what a vapid actor thinks about a situation he created over 8 years of race baiting. In the world without representations, Obama would be the cunning, weak hyena who slinks about pretending to be wounded before crushing the skull of a giraffe baby in its jaws; despicable in a sense, but really just the way things are, and of course the snickering, creeping hyena would end his days destroyed by a lion. In a world of representations, however, the hyena becomes President, Time Man of the Year, and wins the Nobel Peace Prize despite drone-bombing thousands of civilians in Pakistan and Yemen. So it is, in the world.

3. There are those, like Varg V, who strive for an unrepresentational a reality as possible; but in his case i think he remembers a pre-literate Neolithic-style life (genetic groups and lifestyles continued for long after their supposed end date so it could have been relatively recently); but for the rest of us – who mostly remember nothing before we were born – such a life would be extremely difficult. Having said that, i wouldn’t want to present human history in a binary fashion as either literate/representational, or Neolithic; i’m only speculating, as my first life was relatively recent (shortly after the “invention” of writing), but i have always, it seems, acted within, and reacted against, representations such as language, and i think this is often the case. My feeling is that there are degrees of involvement in representation, and degrees of acuity – so in our age i have found the almost wholly uneducated have a sure instinct for reality; and the rest are misled by propaganda and nonsense of all sorts, with the very worst being the half-educated intelligentsia who, like the Communist, opine on everything and understand nothing.

4. Those in positions of power are mostly those who manipulate and (rather oddly) credit false representations. i have recently wondered how someone could consume the evident propaganda of CNN, the New York Times, Washington Post, the Guardian, etc. without noticing the disparity between reality and the official account. i think it’s partly that when such organs are disproved they simply move on – they don’t address their own falsity, and so if they say Trump hires Russian hookers to piss on him in Moscow, or that Putin controls Trump because of muh reasons, and these tales are systematically demolished the average consumer will just continue to believe, because at no point will the media admit “we just made that up”, and the general trend (this is good, that bad) will please the intelligentsia.

i once thought that journalists of course knew they were liars, but having met a few (through my job) i realised they utterly believe in the general party line (in favour of a totalitarian superstate, destruction of European culture and the white race) and so little falsehoods are of no account; and worse, they believe their own lies. Even when one could prove that they simply created a “story”, they must believe in it, much as some sociopaths i’ve known would utterly believe their own lies – even while they knew they’d just made it all up.

5. i stopped reading Breitbart a few months ago, when they had a story about some white guy in England who was beaten and thrown in a canal by sand people. The article was propaganda, insinuating that the attackers chose the victim because he wasn’t a Muslim. While, from my experience, the Muslims would probably have let me pass unharmed because i’m a darkie, there was absolutely nothing to substantiate the article’s interpretation. It was, coming from the Right, typical propaganda, falsification; and compared with the kind of out-and-out falsehoods to be found in the mainstream media, very minor.

6. My 4 years at university were largely a waste of time. When i lived with my sister & her then-husband and children, 11 years ago, the then-husband (a Fat Rabbit Leftist IT guy) joked that even the worst IT student from an ex-polytechnic would get a better job than someone with a BA 1st and MA Distinction in English Lit from Durham and i chuckled bitterly for of course it was true. However, i think in general the kind of close reading and analysis to which i was set has at least sensitized me to incongruities, e.g. Trump attacks violence on all sides after a bunch of (as far as i can judge) peacefully posturing Rightists, including LARPing “Nazis”, are physically attacked by Antifa while the police do nothing, and the media accuse Trump of being a Nazi because he denounces violence on all sides.

i talked with the Jew Yorker a few weeks ago and realised that virtually all her information comes from corporate media, meaning CNN, NYT, Washington Post. She has been well rewarded by the world, having money, status, a highly comfortable existence within an upper middle class bubble; and it is natural to suppose that if one’s life is gemütlich, that is because of one’s beliefs (white race bad, Islam good, etc.). i was surprised that she would continue to credit the corporate media after their years of practiced systematic deceit, but then they are of her world – the gated community elite – and so they naturally side with each other, against anyone who sees the broader spectrum (like Trump), or anyone who is wholly unmodern (like me).

7. The mirror is presently almost symmetrically false. One doesn’t need to investigate actual events to see this, they make claims like “Trump defends Nazis” and then one can just click on Trump’s Twitter and see the exact opposite. In Germany, people mostly believe whatever they read in Der Spiegel and see on the TV, because Germans are natural conformists; in addition, Germans hate Americans and Trump is, if nothing else, highly American. In America itself, i think probably most people’s opinions don’t coincide with the Mirror: the corporate media and corporate academics/journalists are mostly talking to each other. It reminds me of a shitty poetry book i tried to review 12 years ago; it was so bad i couldn’t bring myself to say anything; puzzled, i re-read all the glowing blurbs on the back, and noted that they were by other modern “poets” and that this so-called poet had won numerous poetry awards and also served on the committees of poetry awards, and then i began to realise how things work.

Academics don’t expect anyone to read their books; political propaganda is avidly consumed by a relatively small number of non-journalists in the gated community elite: and because that elite tend to live in the same areas (New York, Washington, California) and talk only to each other, they don’t realise e.g. just how few people think trannies are anything other than confused homosexuals, or how few people think a vagina sufficient qualification to be President, or how few people care that Trump rambles and is off-the-cuff and looks like some kind of neanderthal deity.

i thought, after the corporate media and corporate comedians said Trump wouldn’t have a chance of even winning the Republican nomination, let alone the Iron Throne,

that what the Z-Man calls the Cloud People might realise their Mirror is false; but that would involve the destruction of a lifetime’s self-esteem, and as with the collapse of the Soviet Union the true believers will continue to believe in their bumper harvests and record tractor quotas as the rest of the establishment quietly peel off and go rogue. And as with the USSR those who stay till the end will end up in prison or despised and derided to their graves. The sneering of the Leftists in the above video reminds me of the Viking’s uncontrolled snickering and giggling through Excalibur – this is a man who can sit stony-faced through a great comedy, tugging his beard and frowning, but was hysterical with mirth at scenes of redemption and heroism; i think this kind of laughter is a defence mechanism against reality, against a reality threatening to a childish mind. Just as the Viking, who inhabits a world of manga and cartoons, was terrified into deranged giggling by the force of his own denied cultural foundation, so the Left were hysterical with mirth at a real American presuming to serve America. In a late civilisation, reality is met not with terror but with mirth – at first the IT geeks and manga-fans and socialists think they can laugh reality away, and indeed they can laugh away the awareness, for a while; to quote Bane:

Now is not the time for fear – that comes later.

The mirror will crack.

Give me the glass, and therein will I read.
No deeper wrinkles yet? hath sorrow struck
So many blows upon this face of mine,
And made no deeper wounds? O flattering glass,
Like to my followers in prosperity,
Thou dost beguile me! Was this face the face
That every day under his household roof
Did keep ten thousand men? was this the face
That, like the sun, did make beholders wink?
Was this the face that faced so many follies,
And was at last out-faced by Bolingbroke?
A brittle glory shineth in this face:
As brittle as the glory is the face;

Dashes the glass against the ground

For there it is, crack’d in a hundred shivers.

1. Following this epic Millennial Woes video, i decided to watch Children of the Stones, a 1977 ITV series (actually i’m now unsure if he mentions it in the video or if i read it in the comments). There is something special about 70s-80s TV British TV drama, with its low production values, decent actors, taut scripts, often rural locations featuring an old man’s pub full of red-faced farmers smoking pipes and cigarettes like Nigel Farage, and typically an all-white cast. It’s a world i never really knew, because i grew up in West Yorkshire and went to school in Bradistan, am half-Indian so would have been out of place in a white village (would in fact have ruined it by my very existence there, much as an American tourist in Hawaii beach shorts and McDonald’s burger & Pepsi would ruin a Buddhist temple, by his very presence).

It’s a great series with some curiously Varg Vikernes-like notes (about the great bear), a redhead MILF and a lot of tweed. i kept expecting to see Roger Scruton and Evelyn Waugh, eating pork pies and downing fine ales.

It’s set wholly in a small village subject to a sinister influence, under which reality itself is altered, and the people likewise.

2. A day or two ago i googled the Unterföhring shooter and was surprised to find it wasn’t a Muslim but apparently a genuine schizo though one with a German father (living in America) and a South African mother, hence what i would call a displaced person. It would be interesting to know if displaced persons are more subject to personality disorders and madness, i suspect so as many of the mixed parentage people i know, those living in a country not of their near ancestry, have some kind of mental problem. i’d include myself in this category, of course, though i’m unsure exactly what is my major malfunction: but certainly i excite immediate wariness and suspicion in people, wherever i go, and fail at everything i attempt, which suggests some inherent flaw.

3. When i heard of the Grenfell Tower fire, i automatically wondered if it was a Muslim, then thought it smacked more of incompetence, perhaps Somalians grilling a sheep in an open fire in the corridor. The photos of the protests etc. are instructive; they tell you a lot about what has happened to England in my lifetime:

This is modern England.

4. i think back to the Olympia Einkaufszentrum shooting last year – the perpetrator a half-Iranian half-German kid, like Salman Abedi the son of “refugees”. It seemed of a piece with the Muslim terrorism that occurred almost daily last summer in Europe; and yet apparently distinct and unrelated.

As a wise man once said, “when two events occur simultaneously pertaining to the same object of inquiry we must always pay strict attention.” i feel that every person and every society exists within a “field” which determines attitudes, fears, expectations, and events. In Children of the Stones a small village is subject to a rather Lovecraftian field of intent; Western Europe now is subject to a field of insanity, violence, and destruction. This is a metaphysical force. It is of course influenced by individuals and by our thoughts and actions, but has its roots where no political scientist or philosopher can see. Thus i shake my head at “cuckservatives” who think we can reform our legislation, turn the clock back to the late 90s and everything will be fine; likewise, the “paleoconservatives” who would i guess turn the clock back to the 1950s (though they tend to realise it is impossible, and so their writings have an elegiac air, as it were commemorating a culture that has already been totally destroyed); the Alt-Right are, in a practical sense, closest to the truth – but only within the visible.

Much as i dislike most of the things the Alt-Right dislike, i feel that even right-wing death squads wouldn’t suffice. The demographic problem is only a symptom; and while the Alt-Right would, i suppose, point at a certain group who have systematically inculcated the demographic problem (and all others), i feel even that is inexact, and superficial. The certain group too are but a symptom; nor would i see them as innately malign, merely innately disruptive – which can be good or bad, depending on the environment they disrupt and the degree of their action.

5. Within the “field” obtaining in the 1950s, even the radical and as it were cancerous elements in the West were merely a bit out there. Show a 1950s radical a 300-pound blue-haired trans feminist, or Carl the Cuck and AIDS Skrillex:

and i daresay your tweed-wearing radical would sputter into his pipe, call on his wife to bring him a triple whisky and his slippers, and be most dejected at the culmination of his plans for humanity.

In an earthly sense, one could talk of the Overton window. However, i think the West’s malaise goes beyond psychology and politics. The only Youtuber i know who comes close (i still read blogs but they are mostly rather tame and i prefer to read books) is Varg Vikernes, for whom our entire modern world is rotten:

Varg is unusual in that he (i think) remembers a past life, or is at least heavily influenced by one, to the point where it may as well be conscious memory. 2017 seems diseased to those old enough to remember the 50s or even 60s; to those who remember pagan Europe our age must seem, as i think Bruce Charlton wrote somewhere, the most spiritually degraded we have ever known.

6. My father called me last week and told me that a few years ago someone had a heartattack every 2 minutes in England; that is no more: now, someone is diagnosed with dementia every 3 minutes. Of course, diagnoses are malleable but all the same i feel there is a kind of insanity over England now. It is as if the gods have decided to destroy my homeland.

And now just my homeland – it is the whole of the capitalist bloc, Western Europe; only Eastern Europe and to some extent Finland seem shielded. The fire at Grenfell Towers, the shooting in Unterföhring, seem to me surface manifestations of a deeper field – a suicidal impulse that is, with increasing rapidity, consuming Europe.

Even the sand people invasion is but a part of this. i sometimes wonder at the timing of my birth, which in some ways echoes the timing of my last life. Upon reflection, i do not feel i was born to save this world; but to destroy it. Varg, i think, is right that it is futile to try to salvage some kind of liberal democracy and favela multiculturalism from the 21st Century. If we are to be saved most of us will have to die; Europe will be consumed by a great fire, and become a heap of ashes. But (perhaps) old gods will speak from the ashes.

 

1. i had my most horrible group again today, not too bad as the 50s power frau was absent so there was some kind of cohesion. The other two students had naturally forgotten every single thing i tried to teach them in the preceding 9 months and kept saying things like “I will never learn this” in German. i wonder sometimes if i should assign them homework but know it is pointless: groups occasionally ask for homework, and then never do it, looking shifty and embarrassed as they mumble “I have not the time” or “it is kompliziert” or “I must to barbecue am weekend”. A few years ago, a group specifically complained that i wasn’t consistent, and so my boss told me to send them the vocab from each lesson and review it next time; i did so and not a single one could remember anything, because they didn’t bother reviewing their notes. They just wanted to complain, because they were German (although it was also a company which is notorious for treating its suppliers like shit and in their eyes i was just another supplier).

As i was filling in my paperwork at McLingua, just prior to the class today, one of the sales skirts told me i’d got glowing feedback from a government agency where i taught last year; the agency’s HR Dept apparently think i’m the best teacher they’ve ever had and only want me in future, etc. etc. She seemed surprised at my sceptical look; i explained that good feedback is meaningless, that i can deliver lessons of comparable standards to two groups and one will say i’m shit, the other acclaim me as the greatest teacher of all time, and so i no longer even pay attention to such things. Not exactly true: i dismiss positive feedback for the aforementioned reason, but take negative feedback to heart – and Germans love to criticise so complains abound.

In today’s class the students were as usual unmotivated and stupefied, and so i diverted the conversation to Schnitzel and since they are Bavarian women they spent a good ten minutes happily instructing me on how to make the perfect Schnitzel at home. i was amused that the process involves savagely beating some kind of meat with a “Schnitzel hammer” and when they warned me not to freeze the Schnitzel for long but rather eat it at once, or within a day or two, i mused: “But i could buy kilos of meat and then freeze enough Schnitzel for ten years”; and they: “Ho ho ho ho but ho ho ho ho you make this so and you become Schnitzel is green and begin talking and walk out your Kühlschrank or?” [in English: “if you do this, the Schnitzel will get mouldy and start to grow legs and walk out of your fridge”] and i then suggested the Schnitzel would become intelligent and start to speak Bavarian. i could train these Schnitzels with the Schnitzel Hammer and form a Schnitzel Circus, taming them with the Hammer. But inevitably one day the Schnitzels would escape and breed in the wild, having children [“chicken nuggets!” one of the students squealed in German to the other] and rapidly taking over Europe.

We then did an easy article and both students kept sighing and muttering things like “this is terrible” in German to each other. i have tried many different activities but none work. About ten minutes early one of the students said, in German, “can we stop now?” and i said “yes, good idea” and immediately rose.

The Cop would not have stood for such behaviour; he would have given them homework and disciplined them for failing to do it, and then they would have complained to McLingua and got a new teacher, which is one reason he no longer teaches English, and i do.

2. Now aged 41, an old man, i am clearly a failure in every sense of the word. Socially, creatively, financially, i am a total failure. Having said that, i find that i no longer really care about my miserable failure, as long as i have some good books (currently: A Tale of Two Cities, Auslöschung, Briefe an Freya, The Deluge, The Master & his Emissary, The Epigenetics Revolution, Religion and the Decline of Magic), pipe tobacco, and some good whisky and gin, and some new Youtube videos to watch when i return from my labours.

3. On the subject of videos, i’ve been watching this Millennial Woes video while doing my laundry:

In the second half of the video, Woes talks about his own failure:

“I think that my failure was built into me […] I grew up in a very nihilistic decade, the 90s, when everything was falling apart, social things, traditions, were being cast aside, and that seemed the future, that we’re getting rid of the past, all these excess structures and traditions that we don’t need and never needed. But also in terms of my failure in life, in my early 20s, I think that was built into me.”

He then suggests that it could have made some difference had he gone to another school: “the only way I can blame the outside world would be, I should have gone to a better school, somewhere they would have left me alone and let me develop, let me read books, where the general standard was higher, where the conversation was of a higher standard, and deeper and so on. And instead i went to a mainstream Scottish State school, which is as bad as it sounds. And they didn’t prepare me at all for university or art college or graduation, and they didn’t give me any guidance; it was entirely off my own bat that I did this, because they were too useless.”

and after university:

“I didn’t know what to do after graduating, when I was 22; when I wasn’t socially as experienced as I could have been, as well tutored; that was the fault of the milieu in which I grew up, the very standard middle class. If I’d grown up at a higher level I would have been more socially adept. Then again, these are different things, and you can always find a way to blame the outside world for your own failings. Ultimately I think there was something in me – ego – that was monstrous, when I was young, when I was a teenager, and it needed to be extinguished, in order that I could actually grow. But for it to be extinguished I needed to fail, dreadfully, and so it was inevitable.”

4. Schopenhauer somewhere observed that if you follow self-recrimination far enough, you come to the point of intensely disliking the fact of your own existence, the person you essentially are, a person who was created just so, before your own memory begins. As i read this morning in A Tale of Two Cities:

“Dear me!  This is an occasion that makes a man speculate on all he has lost. Dear, dear, dear! To think that there might have been a Mrs. Lorry, any time these fifty years almost!”

“Not at all!” From Miss Pross.

“You think there never might have been a Mrs. Lorry?” asked the gentleman of that name.

“Pooh!” rejoined Miss Pross; “you were a bachelor in your cradle.”

“Well!” observed Mr. Lorry, beamingly adjusting this little wig, “that seems probable, too.”

“And you were cut out for a bachelor,” pursued Miss Pross, “before you were put in your cradle.”

“Then, I think,” said Mr. Lorry, “that I was very unhandsomely dealt with, and that I ought to have had a voice in the selection of my pattern. Enough!”

But of course who would have a voice in the selection of his own self? Call the voice-haver X; and of what would X be constituted, whence would his pattern have arisen? Throughout Paradise Lost, the created being’s sense of disarray and uncertainty, not being his/her own author. And we see the literal insanity and evil of attempted self-authorship, in the 6 gorillion gender pronouns and shrieking menstruals taking Trump to task for having a huge cock.

5. Woes’ tale seems similar to mine in some ways (lack of guidance, intellect that turns out to be totally useless) and in many ways it is totally different. He strikes me as something of a conservative The Spine – salt of the earth commoner type who couldn’t get a good job because he’s from some shithole estate, etc. And yet, the end result is the same with me and i’m half-Indian, upper middle class background, went to a 450-year-old school, got a First and MA Distinction from Durham, and ended up on the same scrapheap as Woes and The Spine. i realised, years ago, that failure is built into me – though my liberation came when i reframed it as “worldly failure”, and then as “failure in the terms of the world as it presently exists”.

It’s true that i had no real guidance at school or even university, at the former because i was barely developed and just passively obeyed my greaters; at university the problem was that everyone supposed a good degree would lead to a job, but in fact a good degree in the Humanities was almost worthless, and very good degrees were counter-productive, as indicating a propensity for introversion, solitude, and sustained thought – hardly traits desirable for the “office junior” positions open to those with less than 5 years’ work experience; and actually i doubt introverts would be welcome in any job, anywhere. No one i think even in the careers’ office knew this, let alone any of my tutors.

Ultimately, it comes down to my character. When i was living in Leeds in 2006 i met another English Lit graduate at the only Durham Alumnus meeting i’ve ever attended: a bland unremarkable guy who got a 2:1 and had effortlessly sailed into a job paying 2.5 times what i was earning 5 years after i finished my Master’s. This put paid to my aggrieved belief that i had sabotaged myself by studying English Literature – what i realised was that while having high grades was definitely a bad thing, the crucial factor was one’s own character. One must appear utterly normal, not merely in one’s interview answers, but in appearance, facial expression, body language. One must, at all costs, avoid the intensity of unfettered intelligence and privacy; which is unfortunately evident in the slightest of movements, in the way one sits and smiles, or doesn’t smile, in the way one glances up, or doesn’t glance up, in indeed all.

– such dissimulation virtually impossible for those unbeholden to an ideology. One must be utterly transparent, depthless, predictable. And if one is otherwise, it will be difficult to get through an interview, however one tamps spirit down, however one cavorts and grins, or fails to grin, or recites stock answers, or doesn’t recite stock answers – it is your character which will damn you.

6. i did some magic last night, as several of my classes just cancelled (in Bavaria, holidays last 3 months), and i realised i would need more money. This morning McLingua offered me enough new classes (a crash course in late May) that i should even be able to save a little money, though not enough to return to England for a week as i would like (should now make about 1400 € in May, before tax – i made twice as much in my brutal teaching years). i rarely do such magics, as i’ve found you tend to get what you need without undue fuss; however, it’s also in my experience true that the river of one’s fate can enter a logjam and some decisive act is needed to blow the obstruction.

As i was crafting a bindrune (my version of a chaos magic sigil – i really lack the post-modern mentality for c.m.) unexpected conjunctions occurred, and what had originally been a rune just for a bit of cash altered and became something more complex. True magic will from start to end allow, involve, be energised by, uncertainty and the unknown. If it were not to permit uncertainty, it would be mechanistic and hence, unmagical.

7. Failure is sometimes just failure – i think of Shrekh, a Muslim schoolfriend who is now a pitiful wreck still living in a crime-ridden ghetto, hasn’t worked in a decade, has no self-discipline, no ambition, no interest really in anything, and no shame for his life or lack thereof. His life seems to have led to a state of wilful infantile helplessness, seasoned with pedantry.

But there are other cases, where apparent failure is merely the forging of purpose and unprecedented enterprise. Time was, aristocrats and gentry such as Nicolas Gomez Davila, la Rochefoucauld, Sir Philip Sidney, Kierkegaard, could think and write in peace because writing wasn’t their “job”.

In our days we require failure to achieve clarity and distance, and so one could perhaps distinguish between the failure of those like Shrekh, (an abject infantile wreck); and the failure of those who have thereby attained an aristocratic disinterest and force, hard won though it be.

My own failure often seems unrelieved, yet i reflect that i count two people as real friends: Juniper and the Viking; and increasingly the sense of being in the palm of Odin’s hand, readied and preserved for whatever final cause he deems fit. Perhaps, in some time after time has ended, this will be clear to me.

1. It’s been a fairly grim few weeks, my teaching-lust at an exceedingly low ebb and my students weary and recalcitrant and highly German. i’ve been binge-watching Millennial Woes’ videos, and find myself both entranced and depressed; entranced because of his unfettered intelligence, depressed because pretty much every video is him sitting in a dark room, unshaven and bleary-eyed, lugubriously brooding on the destruction of the West. If Denethor’s Palantír had a youtube channel, it would be Millennial Woes.

2. Amidst my melancholy i’ve experienced some past life “memories” and various occult/runic synchronicities & dreams. i write memories in quotation marks because it’s more sudden flashes of emotion clustered around a situation or person or place or object from my last life, for example abruptly re-experiencing how i felt about someone. The emotions tend to be extreme, and nothing i’ve experienced in this life; and so these moments feel very strange, both intimate and alien, unprecedented.

i’ve noted that i have more such experiences when i’m isolated, nocturnal, or melancholy. Perhaps one could draw up a schema of negative emotions on a spectrum of sadness and rage; the older i get, the more i respond to the world with melancholy, anger being somehow infantile and trivial. i don’t want to wholly dismiss anger, but most of the time it is utterly useless, since one can do nothing and any action would be likely marred by the emotion.

Sadness sounds ineffectual and mopey but i don’t see any use in seething with rage as our leaders sell us to the Muslims for half a pint of milk and a mouldy kebab. But then again i’m old now, and too fat and weak to get a good slaughtering going, i’d probably be able to settle one invader before an asthma attack finished me ingloriously off.

3. i had hoped Le Pen would either win this year, or so nearly that it would be clear she would in 2022. It is, however, still too shocking to openly discuss immigration, and even civic nationalism is equated with the worst extremes of Nazism; let alone ethnic nationalism. It is depressing to consider that if things continue in this vein we will have either Mogadishu-on-the-Rhine or a race war. Obviously, i would prefer the latter to the former but when i consider all the soft white Europeans i wonder what it would take for them to be willing to kill the invaders, and what such deeds would do to them.

My feeling is that the economy will collapse under the pressure of millions of basically useless migrants, crime will explode as they go on rape/killing/thieving sprees, the governments will print money, hyperinflation will wipe out the middle class, and a death spiral will destroy most businesses. The invaders will riot and steal, the police will continue to turn a blind eye to rape, theft, murder, while vigorously persecuting the white population, and so as in England in 2011 the rioting will spread to the point where basic services and transportation will become impossible and even the champagne socialists must realise something is amiss.

You might expect, at this point, that most people will consciously realise the folly of multiculturalism, but because so many Europeans build an identity around tolerance and love and kittens, such a realisation would entail the destruction of their own identity – which is in a sense even worse than physical destruction, because there is something nightmarish about continuing to physically survive while becoming a radically different person. If your entire identity as a good person is built upon multiculturalism (contempt for your own people, adoration of Islam), then you will likely go to your rapegrave grinning about diversity, rather than admit to having been completely wrong; because this would mean you were not, after all, a wise and virtuous warrior of light, but rather a trivial deluded cretin.

These people will blame Trump or Brexit or White Privilege when the Muslims burn their house down. They will blame “Capitalism” when their savings are wiped out because the globalist socialists imported millions of predatory migrants. They will blame the police when Muslims crash trucks into shopping centres. They will blame white men when teenage girls are raped by “Syrian refugees”.  They will blame colonialism when Muslims firebomb synagogues. They will blame Milo Yiannopoulos when Muslims throw gays off buildings. They will blame the Crusades when Muslims behead priests on the altar.

4. For those who can admit their error, the psychic trauma will most likely result in violent passions, as if the shifting tectonic plates of their psyche must necessarily lead to earthquakes. Hence, the zeal of converts. And because the nation state and citizenship have become virtually meaningless, the battlelines will not be of civic but of ethnic delineation.

However, horrific as this all sounds it will hopefully put paid to multiculturalism and self-loathing for a few generations.

The Year 2050.

Little Timmy: Grandad, what did you do in the war?

Grandad: I survived.

And there is always the possibility of unprecedented psychic irruptions and forces – both among the whites and the sand peoples. Perhaps, after a few hundred million people have been slaughtered between Galway and Berlin, the sand peoples will decide they want to go back to the desert, and all will end peacefully enough. The survivors can get to work burying the bodies and a good time will be had by all.

So it’s not all bad.

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